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AIGHT LEMME EXPLAIN
First off, this thread is for my niggas, my friends, my fam, basically the people that rock with me and been rocking with me, I love yāall til the wheels fall off frfr
Second, the reason Iām doing this in a Twitter thread is cause it comes naturally to me and itās the easiest way to get my thoughts out
Stream of consciousness type shit
Plus I donāt wanna have to repeat myself over and over again, Iāll lose it
Stream of consciousness type shit
Plus I donāt wanna have to repeat myself over and over again, Iāll lose it
Iām my best when I let shit go, heart on my sleeve, pride to the side, when I hold my Ls and let the world see āem
Authentic, flaws and all
Iāll talk to yāall one on one and apologize properly too but I gotta explain myself first, I owe yāall that
Authentic, flaws and all
Iāll talk to yāall one on one and apologize properly too but I gotta explain myself first, I owe yāall that
AIGHT SO BOOM.... the abridged version is I pulled a fuckin Sasuke on niggas over a... girl... or two.... and that shit fucked my life up.
Iām not passing the blame, it wasnāt their fault, they were just the catalyst for my anxieties and insecurities to take over
Iām not passing the blame, it wasnāt their fault, they were just the catalyst for my anxieties and insecurities to take over
A nigga was LOST I hit my lowest fuckin lows, I legit thought I was gonna straight up die at points but I canāt just go and kick the bucket on yāall
So I tried to disappear. I was hoping niggas would forget about me and leave me alone.
So I tried to disappear. I was hoping niggas would forget about me and leave me alone.
I wanted to find myself. Figure out who I was without the influence of other people. Without the context of the people around me. I didnāt know myself or who I was, just the personas I would play into.
I wanna say I found an answer, that I figured shit out and that Iām ready to move on. Instead I gotta say that I just let that shit go.
The only way I could relieve that existential anxiety was to stop trying to put myself in an explainable box.
The only way I could relieve that existential anxiety was to stop trying to put myself in an explainable box.
At this point Iām not putting pressure on myself to have a consistent personality, to be able to explain what I think or change to be what I admire. Nigga Iām me. Flaws and all. Lifeās gonna go by regardless, why stress myself out over it? So I can describe myself?
I let these... women.... put pressure on me to change. To be a type of person that Iām not. To fit myself in their box, to fit into the picture of their ideals in hopes of that ever elusive āfutureā. Some part of me wanted to be what they wanted me to be.
That part was the bitch ass nigga in me. The part of me that was scared to live my life. The part of me that wanted to settle and accept being less than what I really am.
I ran tf away from life cause shitās harder than I thought it would be and I didnāt wanna deal with it.
But anyway, lemme switch gears cause I realized some shit, and this is the real reason I owe yāall apologies.
When I look back at my life and evaluate my relationships with people there is always one thing thatās consistent.
When I look back at my life and evaluate my relationships with people there is always one thing thatās consistent.
Iām always on the receiving end of shit. I take and take and take but I never give. I never had shit to bring to the table except myself. I owe every single friend Iāve ever had a debt that I canāt ever repay.
When I realized that shit I wanted to run away again. To just stop myself from taking more and more but I fucking canāt. I need yāall. I wouldnāt be here without yāall. Each and every one of you helped make me who I am.
So Iāve decided to stop being a little bitch about it. Fuck the ego and pride, I owe yāall too much. I canāt repay my debts but Iāll give you all Iāve got, if youāll take me.
Iām sorry for being a selfish ass little bitch with nothing to give. Iāmma change that shit, if Iāve got it and you need it, itās yours. If you need a hand Iāve got two. You can lean on me like Iāve leaned on yāall all these years.
Iām not gonna run away when yāall reach out ever again. We in this shit together til youāre fucking sick of me. And thatās on God. I love yāall, from the bottom of my fuckin heart, and Iām sorry.
