I never talked about this but I need to get this off my chest: I need to talk about the time I ruined some guy’s day by causing him to spill a massive fountain drink all over himself

I was walking down the street with my friend, and about 20 feet ahead of us there was a guy loading a bunch of stuff into his car. He also left a giant soda on his roof, got in & started the car. Dude turned on the car, rolled down the window, and started off.

My friend and I noticed the giant soda, waved at him and yelled “HEYDUDEYOUGOTTADRINKONYERROOF” or something. The man, jarred, notices us, hits the brakes, soda drops right into his open window and S O A K S the poor bastard. We stop. There is a pregnant pause.

I’d like to think we said something to heal the moment, but I think we just said “uhhhhhhhhhhh”. Anyway, the driver is soaked & in shock. In a heavy German accent, he yells “AAAAAGH! Excellent timing, guys!” and then speeds off. My friend and I are silent. We keep walking.

We haven’t spoken to each other about it since. It’s like we witnessed a mugging and didn’t do anything about it or something. The poor guy’s anguish, and the look he gave us when he was splashed in the face and torso by a full, giant soda, will haunt me forever.