1/6 I've devised a way to determine when we can #ReopenTheWorld!
Everyone, everywhere, regardless of age, is given a large document mailer. If there are multiple people living in a household they must go into different rooms, but 1 must occupy the main doorway.

2/6 About an hour apart, everyone opens their envelopes over their heads & shakes the contents over themselves.
What are the contents?
FUCKING GLITTER.
& Not the chunky stuff either. The godforsaken powdery bullshit that grinds itself into your soul.

3/6 Now you can leave your homes ONLY when every last Satan-blessed sparkle has been purged from your entire person & domain.

EVERY
LAST
SPARKLE
MUST
BE
PURGED

4/6 Multiple people in your home? Tough luck.
This is a [extreme] visual representation of how this virus lurks. If 1 person sparkles, you must assume that all parties sparkle.

5/6 Ever worked w/ glitter? Ever think you had it vanquished only for it to suddenly reappear WEEKS later?
See where I'm going with this?
Glitter Mailers.
Not only does it give you a tangible goal for when you can leave the house, it gives you something to do.
#SorryNotSorry

6/6 This thread brought to you by:
#CoronaVirus aka #Covid19
#SelfIsolation & it's buddy #Quarantine
#SatansCraftRoom
#USPSSellsMoreThanStamps
#LeadRenovatorTraining
#ThisSucksButSuchIsLife
& Apparently a lot of people that weren't blessed w/ empathy nor a basic science class.

#BeExcellentToEachOther