I've been meaning to do this for awhile BUT TODAY I'M GONNA TEACH YALL HOW TO MAKE BREAD

Everyone says (rightfully) that baking is a very exact science. So sure, it makes sense to assume bread is SUPER BAKING, and would triple fall into this category. WRONG
If you follow any bread recipe exactly to the T, chances are, it's gonna turn out not quite right. That's because bread is a fucking picky jackass.

I learned the hard way that any and all bread recipes should be regarded as guidelines.
Any bread recipe worth its salt (AND OH MAN. WE WILL TALK ABOUT SALT!) will even mention a very vague range of flour. This might seem totally wacky to most bakers out there, because it is. Bread is fucking weird.

But once yall understand why, it's EASY
YEAST. It's worth noting that yeast is alive. While I'm not a scientist, I believe my renderings below are 110% accurate.

All bread recipes have four parts to make it work. YEAST, FLOUR, THE WET STUFF, AND SUGAR! That's because yeasteses are fucking fatasses
Most people seem to get really hung up on yeast, but it's what makes the house smell amazing when you bake your own bread, so it's worth understanding.

Yeast loves to eat. Sugar the most.
A good quick way to test if your yeast is still alive (REQUIRED), is to put a couple of teaspoons of it in with warm water, a tablespoon of sugar (or oil, or fat, or melted down gummy bears) and a tablespoon of flour.
Cover, let it sit for ten minutes, check on it. Is it bubbling? Does it smell bready? Good. Your yeast is alive.
Honestly, I'm not a yeast snob. Jar vs packet makes no discernible difference, except shop for how much you anticipate you'll be baking bread.

You can also catch your own yeast if you're into soughdough. I've never tried it, but I definitely want to.
Yeast itself isnt scary, but be careful how you introduce the salt part of your recipes to it. Water that's too hot will also kill your yeast. AND YOU NEED IT ALIVE!

I usually mix my salt with all of my dry ingredients FIRST!!! then add in my flour a cup at a time after that.
DOUGH! The reason the flour on bread recipes is all over the place, is because you never really know exactly how much you need. So you gotta go by how the dough feels. Is she sticky? Even after kneading? Give her some more flour. Once she's stretchy vs sticky... she's good.
LET THE DOUGH RISE. The most reliable way I get my dough to double is by sitting it on my lap, throwing a blanket over it, and playing video games for an hour.

But also, I like my apartment REALLY COLD, so you might have an easier time finding a warm spot than me.
Those are my biggest tips for baking bread! This isn't meant to be a recipe, but to help adjust how you approach all the wonderful bread recipes that exist out there. Really, you can start making your own, once you understand The Science Of Bread.
Theres all sorts of ways to safely adjust bread recipes, too. Adding quick oats to your warm water, will make your bread have a gummier sort of texture. Adding an egg will make your bread springier, which is great for dinner rolls. THE WORLD IS YOURS! PUT IT IN A PAN AND BAKE IT!
Honestly and truly I am such a bread dork that if I have emboldened you to try out making A Bread, please feel free to reply to this thread and show me! I'll also do what I can as a certified bread doctor if things still go wrong. It's really satisfying to get it right!
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