An idea I've become pretty obsessed with over the last 16 minutes is that Elvis killed himself after a hawk stole his penis

The heat of the hawk's beak cauterized the wound instantly but Elvis' inscrutable internal code of honor demanded he impale himself mouth-first on a flag pole

Always pretty tasteless to see an impersonator who insists on doing stolen penis Elvis but I'll admit the animatronics on their hawks are always very impressive