1./ THE INFIDELITY FILES:

Ejindu’s Story

“Welcome to another edition of Talk to me. The show where we boldly discuss the topics other shows skirt around.”
As she began her usual intro Kike crossed her fingers and hoped her guest would capture the listeners’ interest.

2./That they would engage and respond. This guest was the first in a series of about 4 guests she hoped to bring in who would talk about their personal marital situations. Because they were admitting to deeply private matters, they were doing voice distortions and changing names.

3./ She went on:
“My guest tonight will do the talking and you can call in with comments and questions at the end.”
Music Intro and . . . “Welcome Ejindu. It’s a pleasure to have you in the studio. You’re going to tell us your story/confession so please go right ahead.”

4./ I’m not sure it’s a pleasure to be on the show, but I’m here now so here goes.
My name is Ejindu. I’m a cosmopolitan, metro sexual Igbo man, from Anambra State in Nigeria and a nominal Pentecostal Christian. I’m 45 years old, a Systems Design Engineer;

5./ and I’m fairly successful at what I do. By the standards of the Nigerian socio-economic stratification I would probably be considered upper middle class. I’ve been married for 14 years. I have 3 children; 2 sons and a daughter whom I love with everything in me.

6./I love my wife & without being conceited I’m confident she will describe our marriage in complimentary terms. She would probably use adjectives along the lines of strong, solid and mostly fulfilling to describe our marriage. I’m simple. I would describe us as happily married.

7./ Our sex life is relatively active if not particularly exciting. Familiarity has dulled the edge for us. I say this because to be fair to both of us, we’ve made occasional attempts to spice things up lingerie, toys, different positions and locations, the works.

8./ We always end up falling back into our tried and tested familiar routine. This is practically scripted. I give my wife head for 3.5 minutes add some digital stimulation, she shudders to orgasm silently, she sucks my dick for 3 minutes,

9./ I get a really good hard-on, slide into her thrust passionately at varying speeds, for 1.5/2 minutes, increasing towards the end then we have a synchronised orgasm. Total time about 8 minutes. Usually about 3 times every fortnight without fail.

10./ Maybe we’ve become comfortable and haven’t given it enough effort.
My wife and I look good together. When we are out, people see us and look admiringly at us. If you see our pictures on Chichi’s social media feed, you’ll likely go awwwn . . . and #GodWhen.

11./ I’m not given to false modesty so I should probably tell you that I’m quite attractive. I’m tall (6ft 3), good looking with medium not quite light skin, I’m lightly bearded, well built. I play football, I jog and I work out with weights.

I am cheating on my wife.

12./ I can hear the recriminations already. “No you don’t love your wife. If you did, you wouldn’t cheat on her.” This is untrue. Loving my wife has nothing to do with cheating on her. These things are not mutually exclusive.

A few years ago,

13./ I would have been one of the protesting voices. In my years at university, I developed a dislike for men who cheat on their wives and I vowed that if I ever got married, I would never be one of them. I saw the way many of the girls (a few of whom were my friends)

14./ took advantage of these men and I knew that it could never be me. I also remember an incident when an irate wife came to campus to fight a popular campus ‘big girl’ who was having an affair with her husband. The man was a very wealthy and well-known businessman in the state.

15./ The affair had become notorious because he openly flaunted the girl and the affair. Many people blamed the wife for coming to fight the girl but I blamed the man. I thought he should have kept it zipped in and I was vocal in my opinions.

16./ Back to my story. My wife Chichi is an accountant but early on in our married life, we agreed that she would be a stay at home mum to ensure that our children did not suffer a shortfall of parental attention. My job compels me to travel often. We’ve managed this pretty well.

17./ Chichi is one of those women with an entrepreneurial spirit and she discovered a talent for trading consumer goods. I provided her initial capital but she’s successfully multiplied it and is quite successful at what she does. Did I mention that My wife is beautiful?

18./ She’s light-skinned and shapely. She has big eyes dreamy eyes, full lips, hips that a man can hold on to and find rest and full breasts; yeah her stomach is not as flat as it was and she’s a bit thicker than when we got married but that’s not why I’m cheating.

19./As a total package, Chichi is at least an 8.5/10. I love that when we go out people look at me& envy me for having her& she has admitted that she likes the looks of admiration we get when we’re out. This must be true because she posts many pictures of us on social media.

20./ A number of her friends married, single and divorced have brazenly and surreptitiously made passes at me. I’m diplomatic when I let them down. I do so without scorning them openly, but inwardly, I’m amused that they imagine it could ever happen.

21./ Yeah! I’m cheating, but I would never date anyone who knows her. Other than the fact that I could never disrespect her like that, just knowing that they are affiliated to her in anyway makes them dead meat to me.

22./ I often wonder how these women can call themselves her friends and yet want to get one over her by sleeping with her husband. The same women if they succeed will gather in their covens and gossip about my wife. No way. It’s not even happening. I know women too well.

23./ Like I said, I love Chichi and I enjoy our marriage. My wife is probably the most important person in my life. It’s a toss-up between Chichi and my mother and depending on the issue at stake either of them could be number 1 but more often than not, its Chichi.

24./ I would literally do anything for her and she knows this. I cannot imagine being married to anyone else or my life without her in it. She remains as beautiful in my eyes as she was when I met her.

25./ When I look at her, despite the effects of time& childbirth, all I see the fun-loving, madcap I married all those years ago.
We have our issues like every couple, but our commitment to each other and to our children and our shared lives has helped us overcome the challenges.

26./ I love the way she loves me too. She’s what my mother calls a good wife. She understands my idiosyncrasies and makes allowances for them. The comfort and the solace I find in my home are second to none. Unlike the businessman who flaunted his lover

27./ so much that his wife got wind of the affair and came to fight her, I would never do that. I go to great lengths to keep my two lives separate. My lover knows I’m married and she knows that I will never leave my wife for her.
You may now wonder; why is he cheating?

28./ Why is he playing with fire? He has a good life, a great wife and a successful career. What more does he want?
Well there you go.
That’s the problem.
I’m bored.
Boredom!
On balance, cheating is a, low-risk outlet for my boredom. I enjoy the thrill of the chase

29./ and the knowledge that I have this “huge secret.” I also find that as much as Chichi and I love each other, and I enjoy the familiarity of our union, sometimes I want an extra oomph. I’m not excusing myself. Will I advocate this for other men? No. Am I proud of myself?

30./ No. It’s what it is. I also smile and nod indulgently when I see hot-blooded young people go on and on about infidelity in marriage. Especially the unmarried ones. I often want to tell them to get married first. I have friends who don’t cheat on their wives.

31./ But they aren’t necessarily better husbands than I am. I know this because men talk. For those of you who don’t want to accept it, I’m still going to put it out there. Sexual fidelity is not equal to love and it does not equate to the absence of cruelty to your spouse.

32./ I also find it amusing when people say that if they are financially independent, they would walk away from a cheating spouse. It buttresses my conviction that they have little concept of what a marriage provides the people in it.

33./ Betrayal takes many forms and I opine that sexual infidelity is not the greatest. If I caught Chichi cheating on me today, alpha male that I am, I would neither ask her to leave nor would I let anyone know. I would lick my wounds quietly

34./ and deal with her privately but unless she chooses to leave me (and I would resist this) I wouldn’t leave her.
Do I surprise you?
Again this wouldn’t have been my position 14 years ago.
Having experienced more of life now than I had then, knowing what I now do about life;

35./ the value she adds in my life is beyond what I would throw away for sexual infidelity. After I overcome my hurt and anger, these two emotions along with my dented pride which of course cannot be denied, life will go on.
By the way, I haven’t always cheated.

36./ The first time I cheated was 3 years ago. I was away on an extended course for 3 months and I overestimated my capacity to resist temptation. I fell into a month long affair with a course partner which fizzled out by the time the course was over and we parted amicably.

37./ The first time we had sex, I thought it would be emblazoned on my forehead. I thought Chichi would automatically “know” the next time face timed her after my “fall.” To my uttermost surprise, nothing dramatic happened.

38./ The second time which is my current affair was more deliberate. I knew what I was doing. I saw her, I wanted her and I decided to go after her.
The real insight I want to share is the biggest lesson I learned from cheating on my wife and the reason for this “confession.”

39./ Cheating has made me a better husband. I was surprised to discover this.

My lover is not as accommodating as my wife. This is saying a lot because even though my wife is accommodating, she is not a pushover. Chichi is a tough cookie. She has to be in her line of business.

40./ She is neither a weakling nor a doormat. Back to my lover. She expects certain minimum standards of behaviour from me. Interestingly enough, I have stepped up my game with Chichi since my current lover came into my life. (I’ve been with her for a year).

41./ If anyone had asked me, I would have said that I’m a good husband and probably scored myself 9/10 in the good husband stakes. But cheating opened my eyes to the fact that while I may be a good husband, I was not the best husband I could be.
How?

42./ My second and current foray into cheating is with a woman who styles herself as a feminist. I find this amusing because I’m probably the poster child for the patriarchy. She should have run a 100miles from me in the opposite direction. But I think that innately,

43./ what women want in a man can only be found in a patriarchal man with a twist of modernity in him. We’ve had quite a number of debates about her views. Ultimately, I’ve debunked most of her claims, but she has also converted me to a few of her ideas.

44./ She is very self-aware in many ways. Perhaps because of her age and the fact that she’s never been married so has never really had to learn to compromise for the person she lives with (Marriage does that to all of us. I compromise for Chichi and she compromises for me).

45./ It’s the only way two strangers can build a lasting union. If we held rigidly to our opinions, we wouldn’t have lasted this long. Anyway, she has so many rules and regulations about the way she expects to be treated. From a masculine point of view,

46./ I can see why she is unmarried. I can’t think of many of the men in her catchment group that would either give in to many of her demands or live up to her expectations. I also tell her that she wouldn’t meet the expectations of many of those men. She thinks this is a joke.

47./ We even have a running bet on this. If she brings such a man to heel and marries him, she wins the bet. I am sure she’s unlikely to win if she doesn’t change her ways because I know men and I know even those of my friends and colleagues who style themselves as feminists

48./ would baulk at her expectations. The men who would agree to the things she wants will never appeal to her. I’m 100% sure of this. But away from her more rabid views, she holds me to a higher standard of behaviour.

49./ She expects me to treat her in certain ways that I had never given a second thought to and which are not too much to ask. As I do some of those things for her, I’ve taken a step further and done them with Chichi as well. These things have made me better.

50./Again do I advocate that a married man should cheat, no I’m merely sharing my story.
For now, I’m enjoying the best of both worlds. Who knows, I may soon tire of the excitement or become bored of the excitement& revert to being a faithful spouse.
Only time will tell.

THE END