After a hiatus yesterday (there’s only so much of this I can take), I am returning to #TooHotToHandle with, yes, some trepidation. So, here we go, round 6...

Aussie Harry is pretending that he’s taking Instagram Francesca back because he’s grown as a person, and not because, well...

Lana the Robot rewards this display by giving them permission to kiss, proving AI still has some way to go

Kelz says he’s totally fine with it, in another utterly convincing display. Oscars all round.

Wow, turns out Haley - a girl with a tattoo in an unknown language - has been kicked out for failing to make enough progress and saying such outrageous falsehoods as “everyone here is an idiot”.

Haley’s awesome presence was so huge that the producers have decided they need three new contestants to make up for her absence. One of them, Kori, describes himself as a “part-time selfie taker”, or “full-time unemployed” as the rest of us call it.

Another new arrival, Madison, says she doesn’t have a type physically and just wants an emotional/spiritual connection. Yes, she is from California.

She is not, however, impressed with Matthew’s brand of spirituality. Clearly the likeness with Jesus ends with the hair and face.

Professional selfie-taker Kori is flirting with Chloe. “Is Kori doing a banter” quips the voice over lady, in a devastating put down of my nation’s culture. How dare she.

Meanwhile, Aussie Harry and Instagram Francesca are having their chastity tested by Digital Oliver Cromwell by being given a night in the private suite. They insist that they will behave themselves, and if you believe that I have a 19th century bridge in London to sell you.

Nicole, for one, has seen straight through their lies. You remember Nicole right? From Cork, describes herself as a professional drinker and then disappeared like she was never there.

In fairness, Nicole has actually played a blinder here. She’s got a free holiday somewhere hot, might win some cash and hasn’t got drawn into everyone else’s drama. Definitely the smart play.

Chloe, on the other hand, is shocked that previous rule-breakers Harry and Francesca have once again broken the rules. Pattern recognition not her strong suit, it seems.

Lana the Robot is outraged, of course, and deducts $20k from the prize fund. Her tone of voice sounds as if she’d rather be cutting off limbs, but being a glorified lava lamp that’s not an option for her.

Jesus/Matthew also has an announcement. He believes he has grown sufficiently and has decided to leave. Not yet clear if this is to spend 40 days and 40 nights in the desert.

And now Chloe has decided to kiss the selfie master Kori, spectacularly ignoring the example Lana the Robot made of Harry and Francesca. Again, Chloe’s lack of pattern recognition has let her down. You hate to see it.

And we’ve made it through another episode of this strangely compelling dross. Whatever will happen next? They’ll lose more cash, obviously.

Just how much, however, we will find out later. I’m going to have a break and watch the news (because despite the evidence of this thread, I am a serious journalist. Honest.)