cw: suicidal ideation

been trying to figure out the best, most responsible way to talk about dealing with SI during the pandemic when many factors are aggravating it (a common experience from what i've seen and heard) and honestly, the process has been so disheartening.

i am by no means a medical expert and do my best to follow guidelines for writing about suicide to a T to avoid contagion and harm. but i can't help but feel like some of the advice i've been getting is...weird and hurtful.

the prevailing message has been "avoid making the direct connection between the pandemic and suicidal ideation, focus on the importance of EVERYONE looking after their mental health." followed by run of the mill self-care/mental health advice.

which is incredibly lonely to hear. looking after your mental health when you deal with suicidal ideation isn't the same playbook. we need to talk clearly about how to look after each other in these very specific times.

i agree it's dangerous to treat higher suicide rates as a foregone conclusion of the pandemic. we have reason to be hopeful that we're more equipped than ever before to deal with some challenges (technology is helping us with social isolation, for example!)

but at the same time, it feels like there are factors we can't ignore (safety, unemployment, health care) and hearing, essentially, "that's too dangerous to talk about right now" as a suicidal person makes me feel hopeless, not hopeful. and i'm someone with a lot of privilege.

along those lines, it's just occasionally very obvious that some experts in the suicide prevention field don't have lived experience and it creates a gap that others suicidal people in a major way. which can't be the most effective version of prevention.

i always think of my suicidal ideation essay. while reporting it, a few experts i interviewed warned against being as honest as i was. but countless people have told me it helped them see they weren't alone and even saved their lives because those conversations WEREN'T being had.

i don't know that there are straight answers about finding the right balance between honest conversation and safe conversation around suicide. like suicide, it's wildly complex. but i think the conversation is far from over.

also to clarify, when i say i'm thinking about the best most responsible way to talk about suicidal ideation in the pandemic, i mean to write about it as a journalist. and these are thoughts coming out through reporting. should be in the very first tweet but too late!

anyway brb becoming a therapist i guess.