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Last week I joined in on a really good discussion on how to navigate intergenerational conflict (specific to East Asians) and I’m just gonna do a thread dump of what I’ve learned!! Will add to it as I go :-) (1/?)
An interesting lens to look at EA parent-child relationships is through Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT). (2)
It splits people into two categories- those whose lives are defined by achieving goals, VS those who live based on a value system. Goals oriented vs. Values oriented. (3)
Not surprisingly, East Asians usually fall into the first category- from personal experience, there’s always a chronic push to ‘check the boxes’, so even when you’re playing, you’re playing to win (4)
A goals-oriented person’s scope of focus might be very narrow, so when they don’t achieve, they’re more likely to become depressed, neurotic, etc etc. It’s a super absolutist mentality, ignoring all alternate possibilities for the sake of 1 goal (5)
This can extend not just to concrete goals but to things like relationships and learning; feeling like those are “winnable” tasks with the end goal being that you become the healthiest/most enlightened person possible (6)
(Had this thread sitting in my drafts for a bit- will add as I read more)
