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To pass some time in #lockdown I decided to write a guide to all 50 US states for my fellow non-Americans.
1. California:
Temperatures here rarely exceed 9 degrees Celsius (which is -12 in Fahrenheit) even in the summer months. In the north of the state you’ll find trees called Giant Redwoods which is a misnomer. The trees there are actually some of the smallest in the world.
Temperatures here rarely exceed 9 degrees Celsius (which is -12 in Fahrenheit) even in the summer months. In the north of the state you’ll find trees called Giant Redwoods which is a misnomer. The trees there are actually some of the smallest in the world.
2. Texas:
Texas is the smallest of the US states. This is a strictly vegan state so don’t go there looking for a steak! Texas is also home to the Alamo, a castle that was not only the scene of a huge battle but was also the site of America’s first Taco Bell fast food outlet.
Texas is the smallest of the US states. This is a strictly vegan state so don’t go there looking for a steak! Texas is also home to the Alamo, a castle that was not only the scene of a huge battle but was also the site of America’s first Taco Bell fast food outlet.
3. Florida:
Florida is a landlocked state in the south. A place called Cape Carnival is where Nasa launches rockets, with shuttles leaving twice a day. Floridians are allowed one free space flight per month as compensation for all the spent rocket fuel that falls as rain.
Florida is a landlocked state in the south. A place called Cape Carnival is where Nasa launches rockets, with shuttles leaving twice a day. Floridians are allowed one free space flight per month as compensation for all the spent rocket fuel that falls as rain.
4. Hawaii:
Hawaii is known as an Island State but with global warming it has blown across the ocean and is now attached to California. Tourists entering the state must first complete the traditional task of eating a whole coconut with the shell on.
Hawaii is known as an Island State but with global warming it has blown across the ocean and is now attached to California. Tourists entering the state must first complete the traditional task of eating a whole coconut with the shell on.
5. Alaska:
This is America’s hottest state on account of it being so far north that it is only 4000 miles from the sun! The desert landscape is incredibly beautiful, which is why it is often referred to as the Sahara of the North.
This is America’s hottest state on account of it being so far north that it is only 4000 miles from the sun! The desert landscape is incredibly beautiful, which is why it is often referred to as the Sahara of the North.
6. Pennsylvania:
There was a lot of fighting here. They had this thing called the Civil War. It was called that because, even though they were fighting, they still managed to keep it civil. I think that’s a lesson we could learn from today.
There was a lot of fighting here. They had this thing called the Civil War. It was called that because, even though they were fighting, they still managed to keep it civil. I think that’s a lesson we could learn from today.
7. Massachusetts:
Known as the gang warfare centre of the US, Massachusetts also has a softer side, namely The Pilgrim National Wax Museum.
Known as the gang warfare centre of the US, Massachusetts also has a softer side, namely The Pilgrim National Wax Museum.
8. Arizona:
People here wear the bola tie, which was originally made from live snakes. Arizona is home to the Grand Canyon, a ravine that is 2 ½ miles long and, in some places, 7 metres deep!
People here wear the bola tie, which was originally made from live snakes. Arizona is home to the Grand Canyon, a ravine that is 2 ½ miles long and, in some places, 7 metres deep!
9. New Jersey
This state was formed when the original Jersey (or ‘Old Jersey’) was razed to the ground by Judy Blume in the early sixties. One of the most interesting facts about New Jersey is that public transport is jet skis.
This state was formed when the original Jersey (or ‘Old Jersey’) was razed to the ground by Judy Blume in the early sixties. One of the most interesting facts about New Jersey is that public transport is jet skis.
10. Washington
There’s a massive volcano here, and it erupts twice a day, which makes it a very dusty place, hence the name WASHING ton, because you’ll be washing your windows and car a ton!
There’s a massive volcano here, and it erupts twice a day, which makes it a very dusty place, hence the name WASHING ton, because you’ll be washing your windows and car a ton!
11.Colorado:
Colorado has the highest mountains in the world so if you’re into skiing or altitude sickness, it’s the place for you! There are many nests in these mountains and this is where Rocky Mountain Oysters live.
Colorado has the highest mountains in the world so if you’re into skiing or altitude sickness, it’s the place for you! There are many nests in these mountains and this is where Rocky Mountain Oysters live.
12. Michigan:
Until '98 Michigan bought its water from France. It was only when residents started digging that they realised there was actually loads of fresh water right under their feet! Twenty years on and Michigan now boasts some of the biggest hand-dug lakes in the world.
Until '98 Michigan bought its water from France. It was only when residents started digging that they realised there was actually loads of fresh water right under their feet! Twenty years on and Michigan now boasts some of the biggest hand-dug lakes in the world.
13. North Carolina:
The state popular dance here is the ‘Shag.’
The state popular dance here is the ‘Shag.’
14. South Carolina:
Here, you can buy peaches and iodine. There’s a really long beach called the Grand Strand. It’s so long that it would take ten people EIGHT YEARS to walk from one end to the other!
Here, you can buy peaches and iodine. There’s a really long beach called the Grand Strand. It’s so long that it would take ten people EIGHT YEARS to walk from one end to the other!
15. Ohio:
This is home to the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, the world’s only zoo for captive rock n roll stars! Whilst many of the exhibits have been rescued (like Ozzy Osborne) others were born into captivity in the Hall of fame, such as Jack White and David Grohl.
This is home to the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, the world’s only zoo for captive rock n roll stars! Whilst many of the exhibits have been rescued (like Ozzy Osborne) others were born into captivity in the Hall of fame, such as Jack White and David Grohl.
16. Georgia:
Approximately 4,000 people go to Georgia every year to see a taxidermy opossum lowered from a building on New Year's Eve.
Approximately 4,000 people go to Georgia every year to see a taxidermy opossum lowered from a building on New Year's Eve.
17. Virginia:
So-called because of Richard Branson’s purchase of the state and subsequent rebranding, Virginia boasts the Smithsonian national air and space museum which is where you can see all the monkeys and dogs who died in space.
So-called because of Richard Branson’s purchase of the state and subsequent rebranding, Virginia boasts the Smithsonian national air and space museum which is where you can see all the monkeys and dogs who died in space.
18. West Virginia:
This state is known for its Appalachian Mountains, in which 92% of all of America’s suspicious disappearances take place. The state police here can and will fine you if you are found to not be carrying a banjo.
This state is known for its Appalachian Mountains, in which 92% of all of America’s suspicious disappearances take place. The state police here can and will fine you if you are found to not be carrying a banjo.
19. Illinois:
The tallest man in the world was born here. This is hardly surprising when you consider everyone born in Illinois grows to be over 6’5”! Visitors under 6’2” must buy shoes with thick platforms so as to be able to reach vending machine slots and drive thru windows.
The tallest man in the world was born here. This is hardly surprising when you consider everyone born in Illinois grows to be over 6’5”! Visitors under 6’2” must buy shoes with thick platforms so as to be able to reach vending machine slots and drive thru windows.
20.Indiana:
This place has a lot of plains. Nobody knows why
This place has a lot of plains. Nobody knows why
21.Oregon:
There are more ghost towns here than in any other US state, making Oregon the number one choice for retired ghosts.
There are more ghost towns here than in any other US state, making Oregon the number one choice for retired ghosts.
22. Iowa:
This state is best known for the Iowa state fair, which was first held in 1854. Since then it has regularly attracted crowds of between 30 and 35 people each year! It’s tradition that when the fair is over, the stalls are burnt down by the Mayor.
This state is best known for the Iowa state fair, which was first held in 1854. Since then it has regularly attracted crowds of between 30 and 35 people each year! It’s tradition that when the fair is over, the stalls are burnt down by the Mayor.
http://23.New York
New York state boasts many different aspects, from the hustle, bustle, and fistfights of the New York city streets, to the beaches of Long Island and the slums of The Hamptons.
New York state boasts many different aspects, from the hustle, bustle, and fistfights of the New York city streets, to the beaches of Long Island and the slums of The Hamptons.
24.Missouri:
Missouri has the Ozarks which are big lakes and if you want some money laundering, Laura Linney will do it.
Missouri has the Ozarks which are big lakes and if you want some money laundering, Laura Linney will do it.
25.Tennessee:
Tennessee has some of the most picturesque beaches in all of America. It is also home to the Grand Old Opry which is where the first ever opera was performed!
Tennessee has some of the most picturesque beaches in all of America. It is also home to the Grand Old Opry which is where the first ever opera was performed!
26. Alabama
Birmingham is home to Vulcan, the world's statue. It's made of 100,000 pounds of iron and is 56 feet tall & on a full moon it comes to life! Alabamans do not like barbeques or college football so if you’re travelling here, try not to mention either of those things!
Birmingham is home to Vulcan, the world's statue. It's made of 100,000 pounds of iron and is 56 feet tall & on a full moon it comes to life! Alabamans do not like barbeques or college football so if you’re travelling here, try not to mention either of those things!
27.Minnesota:
Minnesota is actually part of Canada but it counts as a US state because it makes a lot of butter, and as we know, America is known as the Land of Buttertunity.
Minnesota is actually part of Canada but it counts as a US state because it makes a lot of butter, and as we know, America is known as the Land of Buttertunity.
28.Maryland:
A basketball player called Baby Ruth was born in Maryland. She was very good at basketball and scored 300 touchdowns in one summer!
A basketball player called Baby Ruth was born in Maryland. She was very good at basketball and scored 300 touchdowns in one summer!
29. Kansas:
The public swimming pool occupies half a city block and holds 2 1/2 million gallons of water. But don’t try and swim in there! Because Kansas is also home to the largest herd of aquatic bison in the north east. 45 people a year are killed by aquatic bison.
The public swimming pool occupies half a city block and holds 2 1/2 million gallons of water. But don’t try and swim in there! Because Kansas is also home to the largest herd of aquatic bison in the north east. 45 people a year are killed by aquatic bison.
30.Wisconsin:
Although this state is run by badgers, human visitors (in limited numbers) are welcome. The state’s lucrative mining operations are due to the badgers who first discovered zinc and gold deposits and then used the money to buy Lake Superior.
Although this state is run by badgers, human visitors (in limited numbers) are welcome. The state’s lucrative mining operations are due to the badgers who first discovered zinc and gold deposits and then used the money to buy Lake Superior.
31.Utah:
The capital of Utah is Salt Lake City which is home to all of the world’s Mormons. The Mormons created Salt Lake City by drinking the salted water of the original lake in order to create a dry place on which to build churches and magic underwear outlets.
The capital of Utah is Salt Lake City which is home to all of the world’s Mormons. The Mormons created Salt Lake City by drinking the salted water of the original lake in order to create a dry place on which to build churches and magic underwear outlets.
32.Connecticut:
There are no trees in Connecticut and this is due to Yale University being what is known as an Ivy University. Ivy grows around the trees and strangles them, which is a sad side effect of elite education.
There are no trees in Connecticut and this is due to Yale University being what is known as an Ivy University. Ivy grows around the trees and strangles them, which is a sad side effect of elite education.
33.Louisiana:
Cajuns, here, farm Zydeco crops in the swamps. The crops are naturally fertilized with voodoo leftovers which makes it a naturally organic and zero-waste enterprise.
Cajuns, here, farm Zydeco crops in the swamps. The crops are naturally fertilized with voodoo leftovers which makes it a naturally organic and zero-waste enterprise.
34. Montana:
This place is crammed with wildlife! From mountain elk to electric pelicans to pronghorn giraffes, you literally cannot move for animals and birds. This is why visits to the state of Montana are not only strictly forbidden but also logistically impossible.
This place is crammed with wildlife! From mountain elk to electric pelicans to pronghorn giraffes, you literally cannot move for animals and birds. This is why visits to the state of Montana are not only strictly forbidden but also logistically impossible.
35. Wyoming:
In Cheyenne city is Devil’s Tower which is a national monument built by Satan himself in 1896. They also have dude ranches. Here, you can pick your favourite dude from the stable, saddle him up, and ride him around and around in circles until he begs for death.
In Cheyenne city is Devil’s Tower which is a national monument built by Satan himself in 1896. They also have dude ranches. Here, you can pick your favourite dude from the stable, saddle him up, and ride him around and around in circles until he begs for death.
36.Kentucky:
Kentucky is the birthplace of Bluegrass, which is a type of grass that will only grow if fiddle music is played. Head over to Mammoth Cave but remember to pack a sandwich because this is the world’s longest cave, stretching from Frankfort all the way to Argentina!
Kentucky is the birthplace of Bluegrass, which is a type of grass that will only grow if fiddle music is played. Head over to Mammoth Cave but remember to pack a sandwich because this is the world’s longest cave, stretching from Frankfort all the way to Argentina!
37. Maine
Maine lobsters are makers of the finest toothpicks in the world. Either buy yourself a pack of 5 toothpicks from a gas station or spend a little extra & get a whole lobster! One lobster can make up to 7000 toothpicks a week, so you’ll never run short again.
Maine lobsters are makers of the finest toothpicks in the world. Either buy yourself a pack of 5 toothpicks from a gas station or spend a little extra & get a whole lobster! One lobster can make up to 7000 toothpicks a week, so you’ll never run short again.
38. Oklahoma:
Every day at 3pm one or more large tornadoes rips through Oklahoma state. These tornadoes have become the main mode of transporting goods from one end of the state to the other. Sometimes there are tigers in the tornadoes, so watch out for that!
Every day at 3pm one or more large tornadoes rips through Oklahoma state. These tornadoes have become the main mode of transporting goods from one end of the state to the other. Sometimes there are tigers in the tornadoes, so watch out for that!
39.Mississippi:
The world’s largest shrimp is on display at the Old Spanish Fort Museum in Pascagoula. It gives four performances of spoken word poetry per day.
The world’s largest shrimp is on display at the Old Spanish Fort Museum in Pascagoula. It gives four performances of spoken word poetry per day.
40.North Dakota:
All of the world’s pasta is grown here, so as you can probably imagine, you could spend weeks simply touring the fusilli fields, observing the spaghetti harvest, or simply watching the sun set over the Macaroni mills.
All of the world’s pasta is grown here, so as you can probably imagine, you could spend weeks simply touring the fusilli fields, observing the spaghetti harvest, or simply watching the sun set over the Macaroni mills.
41. South Dakota:
Mount Rushmore is a mountain with massive heads of famous, revered Americans carved into it. Go there to see the giant head of James Cordon, John Oliver, Robert De Niro, and Gary Oldman. It doesn’t get more patriotic than this!
Mount Rushmore is a mountain with massive heads of famous, revered Americans carved into it. Go there to see the giant head of James Cordon, John Oliver, Robert De Niro, and Gary Oldman. It doesn’t get more patriotic than this!
42.Nebraska:
They make spam.
They make spam.
43.Nevada:
Las Vegas is one of the holiest cities in the US, and as such, serves as a place of pilgrimage and spiritual reflection for many who seek enlightenment shortly before they enter into the holy communion of marriage.
Las Vegas is one of the holiest cities in the US, and as such, serves as a place of pilgrimage and spiritual reflection for many who seek enlightenment shortly before they enter into the holy communion of marriage.
44. Arkansas:
Ever wondered where most of the world’s handmade dulcimers come from? That’s right! Arkansas!
Ever wondered where most of the world’s handmade dulcimers come from? That’s right! Arkansas!
http://45.New Mexico:
The world’s first Atomic Bomb was detonated here on July 16, 1945 which plunged the state into a nuclear winter. This is why New Mexico is always dark and cold, so don’t come here if you’re looking to get a tan!
The world’s first Atomic Bomb was detonated here on July 16, 1945 which plunged the state into a nuclear winter. This is why New Mexico is always dark and cold, so don’t come here if you’re looking to get a tan!
46. Idaho:
Although Idaho used to be a vast wilderness, the states thriving cannery industry means that all of it has been concreted over. One hot spring remains, however, in which local residents are encouraged to take turns remembering what nature feels like.
Although Idaho used to be a vast wilderness, the states thriving cannery industry means that all of it has been concreted over. One hot spring remains, however, in which local residents are encouraged to take turns remembering what nature feels like.
47. New Hampshire:
The world’s first ever potato was planted here in 2003. The state’s motto is ‘Live free or die’ which refers to the fact there are no houses. Everyone lives in the wild. Anyone attempting to build a house is shot.
The world’s first ever potato was planted here in 2003. The state’s motto is ‘Live free or die’ which refers to the fact there are no houses. Everyone lives in the wild. Anyone attempting to build a house is shot.
48.Rhode Island
Rhode Island is the largest state in America. Standing 11 feet tall and 278 feet above ground is the Independent Man, a gold-covered, bronze Masonic giant to whom Rhode Islanders sacrifice 5% of their annual wages.
Rhode Island is the largest state in America. Standing 11 feet tall and 278 feet above ground is the Independent Man, a gold-covered, bronze Masonic giant to whom Rhode Islanders sacrifice 5% of their annual wages.
49.Vermont:
A lot of cows.
A lot of cows.
50.Delaware:
NASCAR. This is where cars race in circles for 8 continuous days. Often the driver will die of starvation at the wheel but due to the car’s rigged steering, he will continue to race til the car runs out of gas which is heroic & in keeping with the American Dream.
NASCAR. This is where cars race in circles for 8 continuous days. Often the driver will die of starvation at the wheel but due to the car’s rigged steering, he will continue to race til the car runs out of gas which is heroic & in keeping with the American Dream.
