Was just reminded of the epic tale of the time a Papa John’s delivery driver clogged my toilet with the most ravenous of shits. Let’s storytime this, shall we? 1/9

In college I lived in a typical shantyhouse that I paid far too much for with two friends. One roommate was a super church girl during the day, but then lived her best party gal dreams at night. (As one does.)

One night we order Papa John’s pizza. 2/9

The gang doesn’t have enough cash for a tip. ChurchParty suggests “Well we could just flash him for a tip, no?” We are three 20-year-olds, so naturally we go along with it.

We are playing beer pong on the back porch one night (underage drinking is very, very bad). 3/9

The delivery guy shows up. He’s probably in his late 30s (ew), completely bald, and probably knew what meth smells like.

The group flashes him, then ChurchParty suggests he “come play beer pong with us.” 4/9

Delivery Guy pulls his lil shitty Taurus w/ the Papa John’s light on top of it into our yard and starts playing. ChurchParty proceeds to keep drinking and invites the dude to spend the night with her. Delivery Guy does not return to his job. No, he QUITS HIS JOB on the spot. 5/9

The next morning, we are all like WOW the delivery guy is in ChurchParty’s bed WOW! ChurchParty was infamous for sleeping off her hangovers for a solid 18 hours, so we go back in our rooms and wait for her to get up to tease her. 6/9

Delivery Guy, w/ ChurchParty asleep, goes into our bathroom and takes a MASSIVE dump. After his colossal dookie he proceeds to take an entire roll of toilet paper and try to flush it all at once. He is not successful. 7/9

ChurchParty remains asleep. We hear the front door shut.

We smell a waft of shit through our closed bedroom doors. Delivery Guy left his shit like he left his job. We wake up ChurchParty and demand she try to unclog the toilet. She is not successful. 8/9

We end up having to reach out to a friend to come fix the swamp of shit left behind by a now jobless Delivery Guy. We couldn't afford a tip, let alone a real plumber.

Delivery Guy and ChurchParty never spoke again. I still wonder who was more embarrassed. 9/9