i wish i was a better person
like for a lot of people, being nice and happy and inclusive of others comes so naturally to them?? i don't get it
i always see posts like "if i don't respond im just forgetful and overwhelmed!!" meanwhile my case is that sometimes i just. don't want to talk to you anymore. and it won't even be your fault. i just suck
i know that's not the right way to go and i don't enjoy being a dick. but it's just an overpowering feeling that my body gets and idk how to make it stop. i WANT to be nice. i WANT people to feel like they can have a fun chat with me. but im just not built to be like that.
i think i might be lowkey emotionally exhausted or whatever. i struggle to care about other people and tend to be kinda dismissive towards bad things they go through. i don't like it and know i should do better, but there's no inner feeling in me saying that.
its like.. im thinking more logically than emotionally.
i know i need to talk to my friends and be there for them so that our relationship can keep going
but emotionally i just don't have the energy nor ability to have a serious, lengthy talk over how we feel and what's going on.
im a surface level friend. we don't have deep conversations over how we feel about our lives or whatever. we don't tell each other how we're feeling and talk about it. we crack spongebob jokes and shitpost nonstop until 3 am.
thats all im really gonna say on this thread
in short: im not built to be as nice as others, and its exhausting trying to reach that level
sometimes im a dick and im not happy about it. i want to love and be nice to my friends and mutuals, but something internal is restricting me
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