Here’s my definitive ranking of the best leafy greens:

1. Arugula: absolutely cannot be beat, leafy, kinda of a groovy shape, earthy flavor, the texture, good on and I’m literally anything ever, makes shit objectively healthier, I would die for arugula

2. Collard greens: obviously this totally counts and isn’t up for discussion for a lot of reasons, fucking SLAPS, like a warm healthy hug to the brain!!! basically the best side to any dish???

3. Kale: fucking learn how to cook kale or don’t come at me, great in soup, it can be roasted, you can sauté it, you can bake it and it becomes chips, I really cannot be any more clear here, versatile KING (honestly in SOUPS??? Hello???)

4. Bok choy: the FLAVOR! The sophistication!!!!! can be roasted, can be sautéed, literally what is ramen without this green goddess, recently found out you can grill it??? Hell yah

5. Spinach: kind of basic but for sure a staple, the easiest to eat a handful of raw out of the fridge when you’re spiraling and have to create false happiness/healthiness to break your fall, (also good in breakfast foods—the best foods possibly ever)

5. Romaine: tied with Spinach, a last resort really, only half of it is really good??? Honestly the best use is for lettuce wraps but otherwise it’s kind of just wet and fake healthy

Two honorable mentions that aren’t really leafy greens but deserve fucking recognition: red cabbage (fucks!!!, delicious flavor, adds a crunch to anything, cute color?????) and Gai lan/Chinese Broc. (it’s leafy enough leave me the fuck alone, plus sautéed it’s just CHEFS KISS)

“Greens” that should not fucking be eaten at any cost:

(1/2) Iceberg lettuce: iceberg lettuce is a fucking hate crime, how does it feel to chew water you nightmare of a human, what even are you tasting besides a big bowl of nothing

(2/2) Celery: a HEINOUS piece of trash, it’s so fucking bitter and some how tastes like negative nothing, and what are those strings???? Not even peanut butter can save this horrible act of violence against god and that’s how you know it’s terrible.