tw// suicide

im gonna kill myself lol

ive been suicidal for like 4 years now i think. the first time i tried to kill myself was in august 2018 i think. i failed and nothing bad happened to me thank god because imagine the pain i-. since october last year, as in 2019, I've felt like nothing is worth living+

for anymore. im not saying that im not worth it, i just dont wanna live anymore. i dont see a future where im happy and i dont even have a purpose. i know im still young, i have years to figure what my purpose is, but idc anymore. i just wanna die.+

so um yeah in October i was gonna kill myself, that was the day before bts' last concert in seoul, but then i thought "hmm maybe i should watch livestreams of the concert before i die" so i postponed my suicide attempt lmao.+

and namjoons ending ment speech had me in tears. i was like ok wow im not gonna kill myself yet. i cant do that to him. gotta stay strong ! lol. but i went months being sad and i ditched school a lot, but my teacher reached out to me and asked if i wanted to talk to+

a counsellor, and i did. it was actually really nice talking to her and she was really sweet and tried to help me. i ended up switching schools and i felt a little better?? but i was still sad yk. but like i dont hate myself? i just honestly dont feel like living anymore if+

that make sense? and in January i was like ok yk what imma just kill myself, but not just yet. i have to be there for ma friends first lol. yall helped me a lot and i love you all so much. thank you for literally everything. idk what i wouldve done without u

im sorry for disappointing you all, but i dont wanna stay strong anymore. i just really wanna click click bang bang myself . i hope this shit wont fail again tho cuz that would be hella embarrassing but if it do fail, i will get help. but for now.. LAWL SEE YA IN HELL

after ive sent my closest friends a goodbye message and tweeted this, imma hurry the hell up and log out before any of yall will try to stop me omg i cant believe im gonna die GSHSKSSKSK this is so sad ,but me treating it as a joke makes me laugh so its ok

i also wanna thank bts and ariana grande for being the greatest people alive and i love you so much. thank you for everything. your music helped me a lot, but so did YOU as a humans. yall the sweetest and cutest ever <3

also damn lemme just thank both bts and ari stans. yall so funny and always be making me laugh. pls stop fighting tho like chile what you so pressed about but love yall tho.

since imma die, can yall do me this one last favor and stream spring day by bts and goodnight n go by ariana pls lol.

ALSO STREAM MAP OF THE SOUL: 7 AND THANK YOU, NEXT ALBUMS SHSJJSSJ

also funny how im currently listening to butterfly by bts which is about the fear of losing someone who brings you sm happiness- i hope my friends wont be too upset about it i- i know they will, which is what hurts the most. pls dont be sad :( i mean ik what im about to do is+

not ok, but this is just something i really wanna do and i wish i could tell yall why i wanna do it because the reason i gave earlier ^^^ isnt enough, but hm sorry yall. its just personal stuff

also can i just say again to bts wow youve changed my life so much. i love you so so so so much. your music has helped me more than anything and i truly dont know what i wouldve done if it wasnt for yall. thank you and i love you. sorry for doing this and disappointing you :(

and ariana, ive loved you since 2013 and i still love you. seeing you in your sweetener tour concert was amazing and i had a great time along with an old friend :') you mean so much to me and so does your music. i love you so much. thank you for everything :(

anyways im gonna end this thread with i love you all and maybe we'll meet some day in 90 years or something. just pls stay true to yourself, love yourself and stay healthy. love you. annnddd PEACE!