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After the success of the Gavin & Stacey thread (yes Part 2 is coming!) I thought I’d have a shot at another show. Here& #39;s how the Brockmans are handling lockdown.
(Disclaimer: this is set circa the second series. Yes I know, that puts the chronology out. But it& #39;s funnier.)
(Disclaimer: this is set circa the second series. Yes I know, that puts the chronology out. But it& #39;s funnier.)
The kids are staying in the house all day long.
& #39;All that energy, nowhere for it to go...& #39; muses Pete, as Ben jumps over the stack of loo rolls he has piled up in the doorway.
& #39;It& #39;s completely harmless though,& #39; says Sue.
& #39;He was doing it with wine glasses earlier,& #39; says Pete.
& #39;All that energy, nowhere for it to go...& #39; muses Pete, as Ben jumps over the stack of loo rolls he has piled up in the doorway.
& #39;It& #39;s completely harmless though,& #39; says Sue.
& #39;He was doing it with wine glasses earlier,& #39; says Pete.
& #39;We could always just let them play in the garden all day...& #39; Pete begins.
& #39;No!& #39; insists Sue. & #39;If we do that we& #39;re giving in.& #39;
& #39;To the coronavirus?& #39;
& #39;No, to them! We have to... lay down the boundaries, show them this isn& #39;t a school holiday.& #39;
& #39;No!& #39; insists Sue. & #39;If we do that we& #39;re giving in.& #39;
& #39;To the coronavirus?& #39;
& #39;No, to them! We have to... lay down the boundaries, show them this isn& #39;t a school holiday.& #39;
Sue is taking homeschooling very seriously, even though Pete has already given up on teaching Ben history after he blamed World War I on Archduke Franz Ferdinand & #39;not moving his head quickly enough& #39;. But Karen, in her room, is actually playing with teddy bears.
One teddy sits on one end of the bed, one on the other. They& #39;re social distancing.
& #39;But I don& #39;t WANT to stay inside for the rest of the next hundred years,& #39; the first one says.
& #39;It& #39;ll be okay because I& #39;m all the way over here but I& #39;m going to sing you a song,& #39; the second says.
& #39;But I don& #39;t WANT to stay inside for the rest of the next hundred years,& #39; the first one says.
& #39;It& #39;ll be okay because I& #39;m all the way over here but I& #39;m going to sing you a song,& #39; the second says.
Karen performs her own rather inventive version of & #39;Imagine& #39;.
& #39;That was absolutely RUBBISH,& #39; says the other teddy. & #39;And it wasn& #39;t even your song. Minus a million out of ten.& #39;
& #39;Oh all right then,& #39; says the other one, and Karen throws it off the bed.
& #39;That was absolutely RUBBISH,& #39; says the other teddy. & #39;And it wasn& #39;t even your song. Minus a million out of ten.& #39;
& #39;Oh all right then,& #39; says the other one, and Karen throws it off the bed.
Generally, Sue and Angela have been getting along better having to only communicate over Zoom. That is until Angela vocalises her belief that the coronavirus is actually caused by 5G masts.
& #39;We& #39;ve got 5G& #39;, says Karen, overhearing. & #39;Are we all going to die of coronavirus?& #39;
& #39;No, darling,& #39; says Sue.
& #39;But Auntie Angela said - & #39;
& #39;Auntie Angela says a lot of things, even when they& #39;re about something she doesn& #39;t understand,& #39; says Sue with a glare to the webcam.
& #39;No, darling,& #39; says Sue.
& #39;But Auntie Angela said - & #39;
& #39;Auntie Angela says a lot of things, even when they& #39;re about something she doesn& #39;t understand,& #39; says Sue with a glare to the webcam.
& #39;I heard it& #39;s spread by BATS,& #39; says Ben walking in, flapping his arms. & #39;VAMPIRE BATS that swoop into your windows in the middle of the night and crawl inside your ears and...& #39;
& #39;Well you had the first bit right,& #39; mutters Pete.
& #39;Well you had the first bit right,& #39; mutters Pete.
Jake is spending a lot of time in his room, having Zoom calls with Jo. When Ben keeps interrupting and making loud & #39;Jake loves Jo, Jake misses Jo& #39; noises, Jake drags him out of the room and nearly hauls him down the stairs.
Pete and Sue are worried that he is depressed.
Pete and Sue are worried that he is depressed.
Jane has already been over to visit, bringing Alexa. & #39;It& #39;s so ridiculous, all these people going to the beaches. But I thought of you, stuck here with the kids, and how selfish I was being staying at home on my own.& #39;
& #39;After all, it& #39;s OK to visit friends as long you& #39;re both isolating, isn& #39;t it? I& #39;ve been going from house to house all morning!& #39;
Within five minutes, she& #39;s broken down in tears about how hard she& #39;s finding lockdown.
Within five minutes, she& #39;s broken down in tears about how hard she& #39;s finding lockdown.
Sue has been watching the perfect neighbours out of her window to see if they are going out more than once a day. Surely they& #39;re breaking the rules a bit. Surely! But every time they go out, the buggers come back with shopping bags; they& #39;re NHS volunteers helping the community.
Pete has been developing a light cough and it& #39;s probably anxiety, but there was a guy at work who went to the park and somehow caught the virus, and now Pete& #39;s on Google checking the symptoms and actually, his taste buds might be off, because he couldn& #39;t taste dinner well.
‘That’s my fault,’ admits Sue. ‘I was out of stock cubes so the gravy was a bit watery.’
After Karen interrupts several of Pete’s Zoom calls and Sue finds herself clearing up after Ben every few seconds, she finally gives in.
After Karen interrupts several of Pete’s Zoom calls and Sue finds herself clearing up after Ben every few seconds, she finally gives in.
& #39;Right, okay, go and play in the garden, off you go.& #39;
& #39;Yaaaay!& #39; scream the kids. From the distance we can hear Ben shout - & #39;and then can we watch Little Britain?& #39;
& #39;Yaaaay!& #39; scream the kids. From the distance we can hear Ben shout - & #39;and then can we watch Little Britain?& #39;
Thanks @finlay_hs and @Doctavarium42 for letting me pick their brains over this. And thanks to the amazing creators of Outnumbered for giving us these characters in the first place.
Stay safe everyone!
Stay safe everyone!
