"Miss, I can't find the work you set us"
"so wot do we have to do"
"how do I send work to u"
"I've emailed you my work" (no work emailed)
"How do I attach stuff?"
Don't send it to me on the chat option. *15 millions students= "I've sent you the work on chat"

Actual summary of millions of teachers trying to teach remotely today.

and teacher responses (plus translations):
"Hi, have a look at the bottom of the first slide- you'll find instructions there" = READ THE BL**DY THING PROPERLY!!!

"Hi, it would be much easier if you email me your work, as I asked" = CAN YOU NOT BL**DY READ??!!!

"Hi, no problem, just let me know if you can't find it after these instructions" = THERE IS A PROBLEM, I'VE LOST THE WILL TO LIVE AND WILL PROBABLY END UP EMAILING THE WORK TO EVERY STUDENT INDIVIDUALLY.

"Hi, could you be more specific about what you don't understand?" = I SERIOUSLY DON'T COMPREHEND WHAT YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND

"Hi, no the other students have managed to download the work" = THERE IS NOT A BL**DY ISSUE WITH THE DOCUMENT SO STOP THE EXCUSES AND GET ON!

and finally, "Blimey, what a day" = PASS ME THE GIN.

And for any horrified teachers* (don't tell me you've never thought this before), of course this is tongue in cheek. Apart from the final one. Where's the tonic?