Thread by @regularfanboi, "Are your wings the same pain as me?" an emotional? story of [...]

"Are your wings the same pain as me?"
an emotional? story of how and why I became a stan of TXT and why Beomgyu is my bias [a thread]
#MOASD #MSD #MOASelcaDay #TOMORROW_X_TOGETHER @TXT_bighit @TXT_members

March 15th, 2019*

Half a month until my HKDSES, the exam that would determine if I would be able to get into university, and my life after that. Was too stressed to continue studying, so I got on YouTube and scrolled through my recommended.

And I saw this. TXT (CROWN)' Official MV

I have never heard of this group before, but the thumbnail looked good so l clicked on it. The song sounded amazing, the choreo was good, and vocals were on point. Then, I decided to take a look at the lyrics. The lyrics, were phenomenal. They were on another level.

Background: Born in 2001, February. I grew up in a (quite?) well off family. My father had his own company, and I lived in an apartment near the coast that was a little larger than the average home in Hong Kong.

I didnt struggle financially, but I did emotionally. My parents weren't the type to say "ily" or give hugs. They wanted me to be the top of the class, get good grades, and had even forced me to hand out my smartphone and exchanged it for a flip phone when I was 18 for exam prep.

I sill remember when I was 16, I worked so hard just to get my scholarship. (Top 15 in my form) I immediately called my parents afterwards, hoping they would be jumping out of joy, because it was the first time I achieved such a high goal.

But the only response was, "Oh. okay, well I expected that. If you got a scholarship with that kind of work, your school probably sucks." This is the most vivid moment of all the memories, because I fell down the hole of disappointment after being on the clouds.

During the last two years, I would have tutorials on 4 days after my school classes, and would sometimes arrive home at 9pm, only to continue revising for my examinations. I wasnt really doing that bad, but it wasn't going to be enough for me to secure a place in university.

You see, admission places for Hong Kong's universities were extremely low. Only around the top 18% of students get into university, and the others would have to resort to higher diplomas or come out and work immediately, which is looked down upon in our society.

I would sometimes be so disappointed and hopeless about myself I still remember thinking about ending everything at least twice everyday. I didnt really need someone to help me out physically, but I just wanted someone to understand me.

The lyrics, "are your wings the same pain as me?" and "standing in the middle of cold cynicism and loneliness, nobody can understand", it almost felt like we had a connection - we've related on an emotional level and someone out there was having the same problems as I do.

This really told me, "you're not alone, we'll be here with you during the hard times. You're doing well, and you could succeed if you try hard enough."

sometimes people dont understand they try different ways to help us physically, to solve these problems. But what we REALLY need is support and someone present, who understands us and tells us we're doing fine. Keep going.

I especially grew fond of Beomgyu because the have similar personalities, we dont talk much at first, but once we get to know you, we're very loud and an open book. Both of us are afraid of being left alone and sensitive to being isolated, he seemed like he knew what I felt like.

March 30th, 2019*
First day of my HKDSES. 6 subjects. 14 pages. Half a month. End of exams. 3 more months. Results release, 10th of July, 2019.

Scored best 6: 27. Not bad.
exactly what I had predicted.
5 interviews. One result.

I was admitted to the University of Hong Kong, for Bachelor of Nursing. Hong Kong's top university overall, ranked 35th worldwide, and Hong Kong's best rated Nursing programme.

I succeeded. My parents weren't impressed, they wanted me to be a physiotherapist or a doctor. Theyre still nagging me until this day. But I was still on cloud nine. But if there was one thing TXT taught me, it was to believe in myself, work hard, and no regrets.

Many people stan TXT for their melody, choreo or vocals. I stan them because of those reasons too, but mostly because they make me feel safe. They understand me, and they're weiting songs based on feelings and problems many people dont talk about.

If you've read until here, thank you sm for reading all the way. Really appreciate it. By the way, HAPPY #MOASelcaDay!

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