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I commited a crime yesterday. I impersonated a policeman. But it was in a good cause.
A cyclist in front of me threw a bunch of tissues on the pavement. I hailed him down.
"What do you think you& #39;re doing?"
"Eh?"
The tissues! You may as well be grenading the street!" (cont)
I commited a crime yesterday. I impersonated a policeman. But it was in a good cause.
A cyclist in front of me threw a bunch of tissues on the pavement. I hailed him down.
"What do you think you& #39;re doing?"
"Eh?"
The tissues! You may as well be grenading the street!" (cont)
He stared at me. I stared back. With all the authority one can muster while wearing leggings, a cycle helmet and a gaily coloured face mask.
"I don& #39;t speak English," he said. In English.
"The tissues," I said, more loudly, to help him understand. "You dropped them. Not good."
"I don& #39;t speak English," he said. In English.
"The tissues," I said, more loudly, to help him understand. "You dropped them. Not good."
"Ah. I see. Tissues. Yes. They must have fallen out of my pocket when I was getting my phone out."
"So what are you going to do now?" I said. Glossing over the fact he was trying to make a phone call while cycling.
"Nothing?" He shrugged.
And then it happened.
"So what are you going to do now?" I said. Glossing over the fact he was trying to make a phone call while cycling.
"Nothing?" He shrugged.
And then it happened.
"I will ARREST YOU if you don& #39;t pick up those tissues!!" I said.
He stared.
"Yes!! I will ARREST you!! Please go back and pick them up!!"
God knows what I& #39;d have said if he& #39;d asked to see my badge. I, er, left it at home?
But then the miracle happened.
He stared.
"Yes!! I will ARREST you!! Please go back and pick them up!!"
God knows what I& #39;d have said if he& #39;d asked to see my badge. I, er, left it at home?
But then the miracle happened.
He shrugged again, then cycled back across the road, and picked them up.
I gave him a cheery thumbs up and an enthusiastic wave from the other side of the street.
"Thank you!" I shouted. While a whole family sitting on a nearby bench, illegally possibly, looked curiously up.
I gave him a cheery thumbs up and an enthusiastic wave from the other side of the street.
"Thank you!" I shouted. While a whole family sitting on a nearby bench, illegally possibly, looked curiously up.
"That naughty man," I said. "Dropped his tissues. I was asking him to pick them up."
The family stared at me.
"I would have arrested him otherwise," I said.
They stared some more. They hadn& #39;t even witnessed the encounter.
The family stared at me.
"I would have arrested him otherwise," I said.
They stared some more. They hadn& #39;t even witnessed the encounter.
"Right, well, I& #39;ll be off then," I said. "Litterbugs to catch."
And made good my exit, whistling, once more pounding my hard-bitten beat.
Another crime tackled on the mean streets of SW3.
And made good my exit, whistling, once more pounding my hard-bitten beat.
Another crime tackled on the mean streets of SW3.
