It's funny. I'm a few weeks in to furlough with my husband, and now.... the 'sounds' are settling in. Are they settling in for you too?

You know - the sound before your husband, wife or loved one makes before they are about to come downstairs from their work calls of the morning, or of their new 'wake up' shuffles or stretches, because their morning routine is different.

Like right now. Dadday made a long shuffle upstairs. He kicked something out of the way, and then took a few steps. And without even thinking about it, I paused my video, shifted and started to reposition myself to face the stairs....

I've grown so skilled at it, that by the time Daddy reaches the bottom of the stairs, I'm looking up at him from the floor, smiling and I get to ask, "How'd it go?" And the best part is- I get to see his face, right after he hangs up...

There's a lot more joy in this house than there was before, with this project. I know that sounds crazy. It should be the opposite, right?

But once we got over the fears of the furlough, and made sure we had what we needed, then we just went back to living life. The only difference was this: my husband decided to keep working.

(Obviously, it was a false start. Daddy is not coming down the stairs. I don't know what he did, but he's on another call now. But it got me on this thread. Good! Let's continue...)

Anyhow. Although my feed would certainly make you think that Dr. Phil gave us the idea - to keep working, even during a furlough - the truth is, it's something we learned on our own long ago.

Plus, if it weren't for my health, we would've launched another company long before now. Suddenly, here we are in this shocking position- where he can work with his favorite people in the world! And omg....

They are having way too much fun doing real work. Because seriously... I've finally started sleeping again, and that man has just worked. Non stop worked. And it just makes him light up like a light bulb.

Let's be honest. I do the same thing when I talk to you guys. I'm meant to talk to people. When we find that unique thing we do really well - not the entertainment we consume a lot - but the thing we create that makes us shine - that's the key, right there.

I guess writing is creating too, isn't it?

I remember complaining to a Hollywood writer once, "I'm terrible at writing. I can never keep it short. I just go on and on." And they shook their heads and said, "That means you're a writer." ]

I'm so grateful you have given me the ability to do the two things I am not only good at, but that I love, with your support. You know... it's interesting...

Now that my husband is home all the time, I have a much better idea of where my health is at, hour by hour, day by day. As he assists me, and I let go, or use him more, or stop- I'm really discovering how you help, in real time.

For example, when I do some really large threads with you - if I stay on a long, thread, for a long time, and manage to get my brain to stay on one topic for hours (because that's what it takes), then the next morning I see a big change (to me) in my physical health/or awareness.

When I did the thread on Revelations, and realized the first beast was a Sabertooth tiger, I finished after 4 am. But the next day, I'd regained feeling in parts of my right arm and right leg. Little pieces - but pieces nonetheless.

This could be due to anything from my spine coming into better alignment because of less zapping in my brain, to fewer muscle contractions in those areas, cutting off nerve flow, making them stiff or numb, or any number of things.... But I know it all starts in the brain.

And this feed works my brain. Holy moses. (Lol. no pun intended!!!)

Anyway. Back to the sounds we get used to - so much more quickly than I think we realize. I'm used to my husband's voice upstairs.... the cats playing on the stairs... loving having mommy and daddy both at home.

I think the only thing I'm not used to yet is the incongruity of feelings: hearing my husband's voice makes my heart all yummy and warm, but hits my head like a hammer. "How can my head hurt so much and my heart light up so much?" How can having Daddy home hurt & help at once???

That's my TBI... and possibly this other thing we're waiting for tests on. My temporal lobe can't handle sensory intake. It skitzo's. Pain flies everywhere. I thought it would calm down. It has.... a little. And that's terribly confusing. To be so happy, while hurting more.

In fact, I've improved! Having Daddy home has been a HUGE help. We've caught soooo much! And because of this, because of all of his help, being home, and your support, I woke up this morning, and imagined myself running. Is that a first. I think it is. But I could forget!

Did I jog a little last summer? I think I did for a couple steps. But I remember how difficult that was. That's not what happened today. I thought of really running... of actually feeling my legs. THAT is new.

A friend asked me though, "you talk about your body and yourself as two separate things. they are both you. they are one in the same." And I guess things like this make me think that's not true. Because my soul misses Daddy, and wants him even closer than upstairs....

But my body just goes, "Wham! Wham! Wham!" My vision blurs. A migraine comes on. And my spine begins to burn... the more noise there is in the house.... My body and my spirit don't agree. And that's a pretty big disagreement.