We often take other people’s actions or words personally. “They did or said X. It must mean this about me.” No.

They’re speaking from what is inside them, consciously and often unconsciously.

The comment about your job, your weight, your relationship status...is their stuff.

Taking other people’s actions personally will leave you and your life drained.

People can’t offer you meanness, contempt, or a dismissive response if they don’t have those things inside them.

People offer you what they have.

Many people live part of their lives reacting to what is around them (we all do).

You chose to or could not finish college & they hold degrees as their worth? That snide comment or pushing you “to make something of yourself” is about them.

Same to many reactions to your life.

Your friend refuses to support you through this hard thing you’re going through? Or doesn’t seem excited for you when you share good news?

Y’all need a good conversation and know that it might be bringing things up for them like fear, judgement, envy, q’s of worthiness.

Your mom keeps commenting that you’re not married yet or what will community members think of the way you live authentically?

Know people direct you toward their own values or are driven by their fears.

Set boundaries, acknowledge your hurt, & know it’s her own stuff speaking

We are mirrors for each other. They sometimes see the parts of themselves that they haven’t made peace with in you and react.

It’s personal, but their personal. Not yours.

It also means that our own judgements, behaviors also say something about the parts of ourselves we haven’t healed.

Understanding the context of a behavior doesn’t excuse it. We can ask “is this about me or them?” “Is any of this true?” (If it is feedback about us).