Don't really know how to ask this so I guess I'll just start a discourse and ruin everyone's night: is it normal to not really have any overall positive romantic experiences until you get married? Is the model really "scrape your brain against the rock until it works somehow?"

I just feel like most significant romantic entanglements have been net disasters for me in terms of confidence, overall emotional health and stability, etc. Just doesn't seem sustainable.

Like I've had multiple long-term extremely serious relationships and it just seems like what I've gotten out of it is that my brain eats itself at a faster rate than before and I've internalized a wider swath of neuroses. Is that just what happens?

To be clear, I basically start hyperventilating if I think too seriously about practically "asking someone out" because it's such a scary idea. I don't think that's normal?

Figure I've got nothing to lose.