I guess the theme of the night is me getting all spun up because of this cluster of aphobic comments i saw but to remedy that I'm just gonna talk about how being ace affects me.

My asexuality is huge part of who I am and I think it's worth talking about!

Navigating a world where sex and romance are directly tied into love is tough when those first two things don't register on your radar.

Understandably, it took me a long time to figure out I was ace, and even longer to fully realise and accept that.

Even longer was sorting out the romantic end of it. Long time viewers of my Twitter feed might remember a few long chains about that.

But now that i have all of that sorted out Ive been more comfortable and more understanding with myself than Ive ever been

When you're ace, people automatically assume certain things about you. It comes from us being largely invisible to the world since we dont really analogue onto the cishet standard so well

So as a result, im used to answering questions. The same 6 or 7 questions, really.

Among the most common question is "can you love people?" And while that's a deeply dehumanizing question to ask someone its understandable when you consider how people are conditioned

Of course, the answer is yes. I love people extremely vibrantly. Maybe even more than non-aces.

Now that's not really related to asexuality, but its a thing that I and probably other aspec folks had to ponder due to the whole sex/romance/love tangle we've got going on here.

Point here is that common assumption is that ace==no love or relationships, and it passively sucks

Another big assumption, especially among accepting and supportive people, is that being ace makes me automatically sex-negative or sex-repulsed, or otherwise not down with free sexual expression

If your understanding of asexuality is narrow, this may again be understandable...

But it simply isnt true.

All me being asexual means is that I don't feel sexual attraction to anyone.

I'm still extremely comfortable with talking about all manner of tame and/or wild lewd stuff

I may not seek it out on my own, but that doesn't mean im repulsed by it

The other big question is any variation of "You were with someone, how are you ace?"/"Are you a virgin?"/"So do you masturbate?"

All of these boil down into the same general idea of "but how does she sex" and are always asked by people that are on some level dehumanizing me

Its a combo that i can see coming a mile away and never connects, but the real mixup is always the last one.

I will briefly discuss these questions...

On me being with someone, I was with them *before* i fully understood my own aceness, so I couldn't have known better

Now i do

So am I a virgin? Personal question, kinda rude, but one that's pretty commonly used as a measure of maturity or something so..

Yeah. I am. Even after 3 years living with my partner.

Most people frown upon me when they hear that, but im more disgusted by the ones who say "good"

Literally everyone says this when discussing that one, but some aces can and do have sex and others don't. Its about attraction, not action.

You can be ace and be horny, you just don't get horny over *people*.

But I'm not like that

I'm just not horny.

Which leaves us with...

Look, if it gets to the stage where someone asks me whether i touch myself or not, you cam be damn sure I'm ready to jaw whoever's asking.

That's not even a question yous would be asking each other, 99% of the time its asked purely to try and peel apart my asexuality.

Its not a question I get anything out of answering.

If i tell the truth, then its pushed that there's something wrong with me, and I'm gawked at like I'm a freak

If i lie, then my entire identity becomes void cause people dont understand the tweet 2 tweets above this one

And as you may notice, none of these things that I get asked about or have assumed about me actually have anything to do with me being asexual

But yet they only affect me because I am asexual, and other people completely dont understand that.

Its something that i love about myself, dont get me wrong, but this thread is about how it affects me, since the common consensus is that being ace doesnt count for anything.

Ive been called all manner dehumanizing things *in passing*, but yet i feel Im more human because of it

Because ive had to think and understand and process stuff allosexual people take for granted i feel more confident in who i am and how i interact and make friendships with others.

But I think that can apply for any sexuality, or identity label for that matter.