Watching JUPITER RISING because 4/20 and @io9 and I am all “it this like someone loved FLASH GORDON YET wanted to make a worse FLASH GORDON than FLASH GORDON?” but I am only 13 minutes and 25 seconds so I am not sure we will have to see what happens #420JupiterRising

There r people with odd faces and also a guy who is like half-snake and half-dragon (which is bitchin’ let’s be honest if it was me I would fly around and bite heads and be all “What? Oh, you blame the only flying guy? Nice, Frank, nice.”) so still watching... #420JupiterRising

WTF now there are Greys in a kidnapping scene that has NOTHING I SWEAR to do with #Cinderella (and/or plot-irrelevant lingerie) I am not sure what the philosophical theme is just yet #420JupiterRising

“Men do not like smart women” yes this is how we Mens discuss topics all the time in our Mens Meetings of Menly Men I hope maybe there are more explosions soon #420JupiterRising

Wait wait wait. Goddamit, @io9, this is on you. So now when they took her my mistake and let her go (but got the selfie) then they set up a fake egg-snatching clinic to rope her in again I am not sure this is how science works ... #420JupiterRising #420JupiterAscending

Oh shit Channing Tatum just showed up so soon there will be explosions it is in the Channing boilerplate ... oops Channing changed her into his Eddie Vedder cosplay ... #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

Channing is some kind of half-wolf super-soldier because genes and stuff and things should start getting shot soon ... wait a minute this looks like the most-metal-ever dragon-church hold on a moment... #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising #Metal

What is happening? Eddie Redmayne is yelling at the hired help, and is that really what we want at this phase, Eddie Redmayne? Gravity boots & love connections, so this is a Cinemax porn circa 1985 and ok finally lasers and explosions. #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

if TRON met STARLIGHT EXPRESS met A-TEAM met JIM BEAM that is basically the incredibly poor level of marksmanship that is going on right now. Jesus Christ, soldier, learn how to shoot. #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

maybe since you have 2 gravity boots, Channing, you pull up for a smidge and give one to Mila then y’all out. Then, less alternate universe “physics” and more escapy behavior. 420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

...these people are very, very bad shots ... oh Jeezus did they just miss each other with targeting computers and machine-laser-guns & then RUN INTO EACH OTHER IN THE GODDAMNED SKY WHICH IS VERY BIG AND THERE IS AN AWFUL LOT OF ROOM TO BANK #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

... wait, Channing Tatum has jibbidycribbiy actual Spock ears? Maybe his mom was the green lady (#420 what’s up) and Spock was his pops? You know how Vulcans can be, amiright? #NotSpeciesist #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

...honestly what the ever-loving flat-iron-fuck is happening right now ... #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

... this house is in poor condition perhaps a home-improvement loan? There seems to be a lot bees OH SHIT IT IS RICHARD SHARPE (you know him as Sean Bean) ( @BBC) who is about to drop a musket-loaf in Channing Tatum! #WaitWhat #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

...oh lort the bees that “some” might have thought were a plot point BUT THEY ARE are now swarming about Mila Kunis because bees bestowing royalty is a more logical form of government than strange women lying in ponds distributing swords. #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

... the med-kit has a fifth of vodka because SHIT IS GOING TO BLOW UP SOON and also Mila Jojovich is “royalty” because WTF BEES ARE NOW ORACLES OF GOVERNANACE WHAT? and also “BEES DON’T LIE” WHAT? (oh Kunis not Jojovich) #BeesLie #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

... these men want their wings and I have a weird feeling they will get them back ... Mila is apologizing to her Shit Brother for NOT COMPLYING WITH EGG-SNATCH-MURDER-CLINIC woman dammit stand up to that man he don’t need your permission! #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

... Channing took off his shirt because that is why you hire him for a movie and also he is the runt of the lycant liter (it’s a wolf thing, if you have to ask, you wouldn’t understand) now it is time for a giant info-dump because plot... #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

...there are many explosions now so this is good but maybe pay a royalty to that squeaky alien in HALO who held the crappy glowing shield and there is fighting but Channing still has his shirt off why? we don’t know it seemed to fit fine okay someone actually shoot something...

...this guy can harvest corn LIKE A BEAST but otherwise his weapon seems strangely ineffective against his foes (I mean if he had a good gun, boom, dead, movie over, good thing he has sub-par weaponry I guess) #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

...uh-oh some kind a bad guy betrayal, which might factor into the plot, but wow, that is a BIG gamble on my part ... wait this about skin suits of human leather (SEEMS COWS R BETTER) call Buffalo Bill (SILENCE OF THE LAMBS version duh) #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

... wait what now it is SciFi prom and instead of killing Bee Princess they will dress her up and let the little girl from Umbrella Corp talk to her (and *there* is your Jojovich reference!) and now a sea of candles... #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising

...STARLIGHT EPXESS is back, and I find this movie to be an amazing inspiration because it shows you in Hollywood anything is possible. I think that completes my live tweet. If bees shoot out of someone’s bum I will return. #420JupiterAscending #420JupiterRising #BeesLie