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In the spirit of breaking down the social media illusions that hurt everyone, here are some behind the scenes truths to help anyone with the same struggles feel less alone.
I probably seem pretty confident & fun & totally having it together. This is fine but only sometimes true
I probably seem pretty confident & fun & totally having it together. This is fine but only sometimes true
(Not after any reassurance here by the way! Doesn’t help anyway
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😅" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">)
I struggle every day with imposter syndrome. With the fear that my work isn’t good enough to be read let alone published. I have a few very dedicated cheerleading friends who help me with this, (and I’m such a stubborn ass that I write anyway) but it’s still hard.
I worry constantly that everyone hates me and are only nice to me/tolerate me because they are such wonderful people. This includes pretty much all my good friends. Sure always that deep down they detest me. Sometimes this results in deleting SM and messaging apps
As an extension of both of these, I assume the same thing about all the industry professionals that work on my books. That really they wish they’d never bought my work, that I’m awful, that they hate me and my work etc etc (all have been unfailingly lovely btw)
I worry all the time that actually it’s me who is the arsehole. That I’m not a nice person only a terrible person pretending to be nice. And maybe people would hate me less if I was actually a really good person instead of a faux one.
If people stop talking in a group chat I assume it’s because I said something. I apologise constantly for pretty much everything up to and including existing. I am working on this one, but it’s hard.
Weirdly I’m fine with total strangers, it’s only the people who SEEM to like me I have trouble with https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Face with tears of joy" aria-label="Emoji: Face with tears of joy">
Anyway, this is not an exhaustive list, just some of the big things. And as I said, really not after any sympathy I just wanted to share because I know I’m not alone. And if you’re someone who looks at me and sees confidence and that makes you doubt yourself, don’t. Brains suckhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Red heart" aria-label="Emoji: Red heart">
