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I have thoughts...about apologies...particularly the apology scripts I've seen circulating online in the past 6-9months. You know, those posts that go "This is what a good apology looks like" and breaks down different points that should be hit in a genuine apology
These scripts are good! I genuinely think they're a very good idea and should be shared. Often people are left unsure how to make sure an apology that they do mean is accepted as genuine, or are confused why an apology isn't accepted, and those reasons are typically covered in it
But, I do have a little issue with something that comes up in every one I've seen, which is the notion that a genuine apology doesn't contain "if" statements. Things like "If I did that", or "If I hurt you". And yeah, in a lot of cases, those are markers of a bad apology
However, there are also cases where "If" statements are perfectly fine and should be accepted, and I'm worried about people taking these scripts as gospel and not seeing the genuine side to an apology because of an "If" statement, as a person with memory issues
Like, the first obvious reason an "if" statement could be used and it be a genuine apology, is in a preemptive apology. Someone coming forward, prior to an issue being brought forward, and saying "Hey, I noticed that thing I did wasn't great, I'm sorry if I hurt/upset you"
In that situation, coming at it with a definite is super weird right? You don't know how they're feeling/felt yet. But I've still seen confusion over whether that's a genuine apology or not
Bigger issue, why I'm making this thread, is with people with memory loss
Bigger issue, why I'm making this thread, is with people with memory loss
Expecting someone with memory loss to apologise using definitive statements for something they can't remember doing, and you have no record of them doing (like text screenshots, a voice memo, something of that ilk), isn't cool.
It lacks empathy for their experience, and in worse case scenarios, where someone Insists on a definitive statement for the apology to be accepted, can create a similar mental/emotional response to gaslighting, especially if it's done with regularity.
And like, this is not a "if someone has memory issues accept any apology given" situation. Just be prepared, on both sides, for more active communication to take place, and accept that someone with memory loss might not be prepared to accept something they don't remember as true
Idk I've just been thinking about this a lot recently lol
