The way I feel about the Buffy ep Dead Man's Party vs how I feel about Hakeldama

make it make sense

No, not like rhetorically, I honestly need to make it make sense. I'm actually seething over these podcast hosts being diplomatic about how "no one is wrong" in DMP.

PEOPLE ARE WRONG IN DMP. Joyce is wrong. Xander is wrong. Willow is slightly LESS wrong, but still up her own ass.

I think maybe the difference is that Bellamy was with Clarke. It was HIS burden as well in a way Angelus wasn't the Scoobies'.

I think the other issue is that t100 wasn't willing to embrace the trauma of Clarke having to kill Finn, or the guilt of it being HER plan that went wrong and led to the necessity of having to kill everyone.

Embracing those traumas that are singular to CLARKE and not Bellamy, acknowledging the additional guilt ONLY she carries, would've meant having to admit that Clarke's trauma was caused by one person in particular, which the writers really, really didn't want to call attention to.

Ultimately, BtVS was willing to say "S2 was EXTRA hard on Buffy, because of THESE reasons that Xander/Willow/Joyce didn't have to deal with". t100 TRIED to hide why S2 was worse for Clarke than Bellamy/Monty.