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CW: eating disorders/body dysphoria
I was about 14 and weighed roughly 150lbs in this picture, which is on the thinner side for someone with my build and 5& #39;11/6ft tall. Seeing it now, I realize I was skinny, but during this time I was trying so, so hard to lose weight.
I was about 14 and weighed roughly 150lbs in this picture, which is on the thinner side for someone with my build and 5& #39;11/6ft tall. Seeing it now, I realize I was skinny, but during this time I was trying so, so hard to lose weight.
I monitored all the calories I ate; I went on fasts and drank only water for the entire day. If I ate something fatty, I would skip a meal as punishment. I started purging shortly after this, sometimes even taking laxatives so that my stomach would be as flat as possible.
I did it so I could look like the skinny white models i saw everywhere, so that people like a particularly nasty classmate, Jocelyn, wouldnt reminded me of the ways in which I wasn& #39;t skinny, of how my body didn& #39;t fit into whatever fucked up standard we were coerced into accepting
The worst part is that my mom and sister encouraged a lot of these behaviors, so I kept this up all through high school and didn& #39;t stop body shaming until maybe 3 yrs ago.
In all that time, not once was I happy with my body. I never felt good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough
In all that time, not once was I happy with my body. I never felt good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough
Looking at these pictures now is a little painful. I see such a cute little teenager who I wish would have loved herself so much more, but body dysphoria is real and difficult to overcome when people around you body shame and encourage your unhealthy habits.
I wish I hadnt spent so many years feeling like shit about myself, treating my body so poorly and being so incredibly mean to myself. I was lucky enough that I didn& #39;t have any severe physical repercussions, but I& #39;m still working through some emotional trauma. It& #39;s gotten better
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😌" title="Relieved face" aria-label="Emoji: Relieved face">
I& #39;m about 25lbs heavier and my thighs and hips are at their largest but I& #39;ve learned (and am still learning) to appreciate and love my body. Sometimes, any change in my weight *almost* sends me spiraling but at least there isnt any name calling. its a small but welcomed victoryhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤷🏻♀️" title="Woman shrugging (light skin tone)" aria-label="Emoji: Woman shrugging (light skin tone)">
" title="I& #39;m about 25lbs heavier and my thighs and hips are at their largest but I& #39;ve learned (and am still learning) to appreciate and love my body. Sometimes, any change in my weight *almost* sends me spiraling but at least there isnt any name calling. its a small but welcomed victoryhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤷🏻♀️" title="Woman shrugging (light skin tone)" aria-label="Emoji: Woman shrugging (light skin tone)">" class="img-responsive" style="max-width:100%;"/>
If this thread reaches anyone struggling with dysphoria: it& #39;s hard but please try to be kind and compassionate to yourself.
