lol so this one time I was in montreal and was buying weed at an an actual govt dispensary and I even paid with Apple Pay can you believe it. Anyway. This bb 23 y/o there sells me this spray. I just spritz it my mouth and voila, edible high. I ask her how many spritzes I need...

she regards me carefully and says, “for you I’d prob start with one spritz and work my way up from there” and I’m like BITCH WHAT YOU ARE TALKING TO ME LIKE I TALK TO A 60 Y/O TRY WEED FOR THE FIRST TIME so naturally I leave there and instantly do five spritzes in my mouth.

She’s told me I shouldn’t do more than ten but anyway 5 spritzes later NOTHING is happening and we are heading to a French restaurant that’s apparently really good. So duh before I walk in I do FIVE MORE spritzes

So I’m at ten and in a VERY FRENCH restaurant. I’d even pretended to know what I was doing when the sommelier chose me to pick the wine. Fast forward to 3 appetizers and a glass of wine later and suddenly everything is spinning and I really need to throw up my croquette

I run to the bathroom and proceed to throw my guts up INTO THE BIDET. Which I then have to clean but whatever I’m on my knees in this fancy loo with burgundy wallpaper and sconces and stuff. My husband is watching the door and keeping the very concerned French server at bay

They’re talking in French so I can’t understand anything (or it’s the ten spritzes) but I DO catch him telling the server to pack up our desserts (bet you didnt know this is a story of true love, what a man)

So we leave, me in a haze, thinking I’ve cleaned the vomit successfully off my yellow dress (disabused of this the following morning), armed with 2 boxes of dessert, shamefully and paranoidly traipsing through the restaurant.

Fin.

Oh! Moral: marry someone who will remember to pack dessert even when you’re vomming into a bidet! happy 4/20 enjoy responsibly.