As an advertising creative director I have seen some bold marketing claims in my day.

But My Grandma’s Coffee Cake of New England® is out here throwing some absolute haymakers.

And let me tell you, I am here for ALL of it. #MyGrandmasCoffeCakeOfNewEngland

Let’s take a little trip around this incredible packaging, shall we?

For starters, look at this goddamn description.

Grandma is NOT fucking around.

I’ve been a copywriter for 25 years and even I’m impressed by the audacity of it.

I mean, there are so many ways they could’ve gone.

“New England’s favorite coffeecake?”

“The number one coffee cake in America?”

Fuck you! This is nothing short of an Oscar-worthy performance!

Ever wonder who’s making your coffee cake and answering the phones?

I sure as hell have.

And guess what, there isn’t a single goddamn robot in the joint!

Suck it, Cyberdyne!

And look at this Murder’s Row lineup. Each one better than the last.

They barely fit on the goddamn box, that’s how many different flavors they have.

And SIX of them have walnuts!

Wait, how does adding chocolate make it the Ted Williams’s cake?

Oh, what the fuck do I care, I’m eating every one of these goddamn works of art.

And then there’s this quote on the side of the box.

Read it twice. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Check out the BALLS on this guy!

Seriously, read it again.

Okay, so here are the things I remember EXACTLY where I was when they happened.

• The Miracle on Ice

• The Challenger explosion

• The night I met my wife

• 9/11

Well, slide down the bench, memories! Here comes Grandma!

Now let me ask you this. What would you pay for a coffee cake in a box?

$6.99?

Get the fuck out of here with that trailer park coffee cake. What do you think this is Entenmann’s?

This is Grandma’s CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED coffee cake!

And let me tell you, Grandma isn’t getting her ass out of bed for anything less than $14.00 a pop.

(I have no way of proving this, but I bet knocking a penny off the price is what ultimately killed her.)

Okay, now that you’ve taken it all in and processed it, you’re probably thinking there’s no possible WAY this coffee cake lives up to the hype. Let alone the $14 price tag.

Right????

WRONG!

This is hands down the best coffee cake I’ve ever eaten.

It’s the culinary equivalent of finding out Santa Clause is real.

I hammered away at this thing all weekend like an absolute animal. Meanwhile my poor kids got maybe half a slice.

Do NOT sleep on Grandma!

Bottom line: NOTHING on this box comes even close to being considered an overpromise — which may ultimately be the most outrageous claim of them all.

Now if anyone needs me I’ll be eating the last slice over the sink while my kids watch and cry.

Oh, and Bob Katz, you smooth talking sonofabitch… my hat goes off to you and your grandmother.

You’ve got yourself one hell of a product over there.

Keep up the good work.

#MyGrandmasCoffeeCakeOfNewEngland