interesting new thing I experienced while meditating!

a sudden perspective shift on the "felt meaning" of procrastinating, waffling, the feeling of being "gridlocked," catching myself doing one thing when I had intended to do something else

for the last several years I've perceived this as *internal conflict*

but at some point last night and this morning, I suddenly perceived it not as parts of my cognition/body *fighting* one another, but *solving different problems in parallel*

right now it doesn't feel like active hostility between different, isolated parts

where there is "disagreement," it's more like an ongoing negotiation between different...subagents? different goals? trying to find a way to work on *everything at once*

if there is hostility, it feels more like...if one "goal" or "subagent" takes the reins, the other "parts" distrust that the reins will be handed back "in time"

so my view of the current "compromise" is that everything gets to take a smaller (sometimes insufficient!) piece of the available resources

this has inefficiencies; to move past plateaus while working on a problem, some goals/intentions may actually need the bulk of the resources for a large block of time

I'm speculating here ofc

alternative hypothesis: my former perception of "hostile internal conflict" was correct, and this represents a tentative step towards internal alignment/cooperation

oh!

maybe it feels like a new agreement among all of the subagents/parts/goals/needs/whatever

to universally adopt a cooperative *background intention* of solving the resource-allocation problem without neglecting or suppressing anything

neat!