Okay so, my grandmother died on Tuesday. Let me tell y’all how this virus has impacted how we’re able to have funerals and mourn.

First let me state that she had a heart attack. It was not COVID related but even still, we were not able to walk in and out of the hospital to see her before she passed. Only my dad, aunt and her husband. That’s all that was allowed.

They had to be fully gowned and masked at the hospital (which I’m assuming is standard now) but only one person was allowed in at a time. There was no coming together to comfort eachother. You went in to say your goodbyes and had to get out so the next person could do the same.

After she passed everything moved fairly quickly. My aunt and dad immediately went shopping for her final resting clothing and the funeral home was quick about doing things. Even though they tried to give us as much time as possible, after her body was released on Wednesday...

We had 5 days to bury her. That sounds like a lot of time but in most Black families I know that we try to give people the chance to get their affairs together and then come home. Not this time. Everything was set and ready by Friday.

Now, they allowed us to gather in a group of 25 as we are in mourning. However, at my aunt’s house everyone had to wear masks unless we needed to eat or we couldn’t stand the heat & just took them off. The same people were there daily.

If someone wanted to drop something off, they had to abide by the same contact precautions. Masks, gloves and no staying longer than necessary. People outside of family didn’t get to fellowship.

At the viewing on Saturday, we again had to wear masks and were asked to view her two by two. No more than that. If for whatever reason you needed to sit, you had to distance yourself from others. It took all of 15 minutes maybe.

The funeral was today and it was held at the funeral home instead of the church we wanted. My grandma was a pastor and a teacher but only family and a few friends were allowed. We had to wear masks and no one was allowed to sit directly beside eachother. 2 seats in between.

No choir (not an issue as most of my family can sing) and the pastor was dressed like a plague doctor. Given the circumstances though, it was much better than the initially planned gravesite funeral. Everything was short & to the point.

I’m not sure how I feel yet honestly. Everything was rushed. Family who wanted to come home couldn’t & people who wanted to pay respects were left out too.

You don’t really understand how important those moments you get to spend with family before laying someone to rest are until they’re taken from you. Until you’re forced to make things move as quickly as possible.

I’m not gone lie, I used to be super annoyed by how long we would wait to bury people but now that we didn’t have the option and couldn’t give her the funeral we wanted, I feel like I’ve taken that for granted.

I say all of this to say that this is not just a matter of being able to go outside or not. This virus has changed our quality of life in a ways that we can’t imagine until we’re forced into certain situations. It’s weird but we may have to get used to it.

For the time being, we have a new normal. And even though it sucks and it’s hard, we have to be okay with it.

Before anyone asks, yes we’re okay. Yes I’m okay. I don’t think anyone has had the time to truly wrap our heads around this. Maybe we’ll get to grieve with eachother later. But right now, we’re just trying to take it all in and get through the days.