1/ In the @NYTimes: “We have to consider that our first one-on-one date might be on Zoom. The first time we have sex might be on Zoom.”

I've studied tech-and-dating for 15 years (online dating, speed-dating, etc.). How are things changing?

A THREAD https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/18/nyregion/coronavirus-dating-video.html?smid=tw-share
2/ Dating today is almost unrecognizable from just 2 months ago.

The media have taken notice: “Virtual dating platforms ... present more like parties or networking events. The goal is for people to keep expanding their social circles. After all, this could be the new normal.”
3/ Let’s begin with two pieces of context. First, what's happening today is similar to what I envisioned in my 2014 @TEDx talk at @NorthwesternU: “Can technology bring us true love?” (I was presciently planning for my Covid-19 #QuarantineHairStyle.)
4/ In that talk, I expressed enthusiasm about the possibility that online speed-dating can perhaps address the massive limitations of the online dating of that era: 1) it’s impossible to tell who’s compatible with us from a profile; 2) existing matchmaking algorithms don’t work.
5/ I argued that brief face-to-face interactions, even via the web, can give us a preliminary sense of whether there’s a potential spark, a vast improvement on what we can glean from a profile. I also argued for a radically new approach to matchmaking. Both limitations: solved.
6/ The second piece of context: #Covid19 launched itself into what @VanityFair called “the dating apocalypse.”

“‘The men in this town have a serious case of pussy affluenza,” says Amy Watanabe, 28, the fetching, tattooed owner of Sake Bar Satsko.” https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating
7/ In that “dating apocalypse” article, @NancyJoSales observes that, “Hookup culture, which has been percolating for about a hundred years, has collided with dating apps, which have acted like a wayward meteor on the now dinosaur-like rituals of courtship.”
8/ Concerns about the worst elements of hookup culture -- including the commodification of sex, the forced effort not to care, and the retrogressive gender dynamics, etc. -- also emerge vis-à-vis college-student behavior in Katie Bogle’s HOOKING UP & @LisaWade’s AMERICAN HOOKUP.
9/ But #LoveInTheTimeOfCorona is nothing like the dating apocalypse envisioned by Vanity Fair. No sexually fueled bars and clubs. No safe way to swap bodily fluids.

And yet, the urge to meet partners can’t be suppressed.

How has the dating ecosystem adapted to Covid-19?
10/ Back in the NYT, @AlysonBKrueger alerts us to companies, including Filter Off ( https://getfilteroff.com/ ), that are conducting the sort of online speed-dating events I’d recommended in my 2014 TEDx talk (albeit without the key matchmaking element). https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/18/nyregion/coronavirus-dating-video.html
11/ Meanwhile, although swiping apps have been blamed for the dating apocalypse,* something new, fascinating, and adorable is afoot.

===

*FN: To see why I disagree with this criticism of the apps, see my 2015 @NYTOpinion article, “In Defense of @Tinder.” https://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/08/opinion/sunday/in-defense-of-tinder.html
12/ To witness the wonder, check out @AmyKinLA’s thread on her roommate’s March 22nd @Bumble match. Purell, takeout, and through-the-window flirtation. #RomanceForTheWin. https://twitter.com/AmyKinLA/status/1247367611215523842?s=20
13/ What does all of this mean? Who the hell knows??

But given that it’s likely to be months (years? never?) before dating again looks like it did two months ago, singles interested in dating are going to be improvising. Many of the trickiest questions involve sex. For example:
14/ If a relationship begun online is going well, how frequently will the first sex be virtual? What are the dangers of stripping or orgasming on Zoom, especially given privacy concerns and the fact that you’ve never met the partner? How does the relationship progress from there?
15/ Since Covid-19 arrived, relationship scientists like me have focused on ongoing relationships: are marriages getting better or worse, are couples having more or less sex ,etc.? But it’s time for us to focus on the singles. Everything’s up in the air and fascinating!

/END
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