ok so i’m gonna say a thing. and it might start some Discourse but i’m prepared for that. bear with me.

while in self isolation i’ve been critically revisiting a lot of emotional structures/dynamics. one is my frustration with some of the men I know online and in real life.

it’s easy to fall into the “men are trash” memeing because, well, some of the loudest men are trash.

but I also know a lot of otherwise accomplished and intelligent men whose only real means of self understanding or articulation is a very specific mode of self effacement

and at first I was frustrated because I thought they were just wallowing in 16 year old male angst and anger as a way to avoid any real confrontation

but then I realized also that very few women give them a credible and productive model for masculinity. we shape them. we help.

so while yes I receive horrible DMs and I get cat called and a lot of men are Stupid Online and Insufferable In Real Life, I feel badly for them

I need a good man if I am to marry, and men need good and charitable women if they are to become good men in the first place.

men: we aren’t your mothers. we aren’t your maids. we aren’t going to solve your unresolved emotional issues for you. but we need you.

we need you to take responsibility for yourselves. we need you to stop treating self hatred like a substitute for self improvement

and I personally am going to block and mute freely to keep myself safe and happy online, but I am going to intentionally stop engaging in Men Are Trash memeing because it’s helping create a very fucked up psychological structure in some of the guys who are most willing to listen