READING "FIFTY SHADES OF ALICE IN WONDERLAND": A THREAD

i just realized i have to use my headphones because i don't want my mom to hear it

i guess this thread will be full of spoilers?? nevermind, enjoy, i will start it now

OMG NO ALICE'S BOYFRIEND IS CALLED LEWIS AKA THE AUTHOR OF ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND NO NO NO

I quote Lewis here: "I know I'm not very good at sex"
AND ALICE SAID SHE NEVER HAD AN ORGASM AND NEVER EVEN CAME CLOSE
HELP ME!!!

I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE LEWIS SAID THEY SHOULD PRACTICE FOR HAVING BETTER SEX AND HE GIFTS HER A VIBRATOR WITH RABBIT EARS AS BALLS

HE SAW HER TITS, CAME AND FEEL ASLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF A MEADOW

SHE WANTED TO USE THE WHITE RABBIT VIBRATOR BUT IT HOPS AWAY JJDJWKXJSJ

ah yes she's in the rabbit hole and drinks the "Drink Me" bottle and INSTEAD OF MAKING HER SHRINK OR SOMETHING, HER BREASTS GROW LARGER AND SHE'S GETTING HORNY

okay she's naked now?

she's walking over a fields of biiiiiig thiiiiccc mushrooms that kind of reminds her of something...

there's a portuguese guy in a leather outfit with a caterpillar tattoo who owns the mushrooms and he walks into a cabin AND SHE FOLLOWS HIM OF COURSE and he's like "?????why tf are you in my house???"

lmao i like this guy he's like "what fool drink a potion without knowing what it is"

okay he just showed her a specific "room" and in order to get the horny making potion out of her (otherwise she'll die of course), he must tie her to the wall?? AND THE SAFEWORD IS "CATERPILLAR" (WHICH IS THE GUYS NAME)

the room is described as a dark dungeon with cages, whips and what not AND GUESS WHAT IT'S CALLED??? "THE PINK ROOM OF BUNNIES"

he's touching and spanking her, at first she was like "???? tf u doing", now she's like "don't be shy, put some more"

SHE MOANED "CATERPILLAR" AKA THIS GUYS NAME BUT IT'S ALSO THE SAFEWORD AND HE STOPPED AND THEY'RE BOTH LOOKING AT EACH OTHER LIKE "?????????"

the poor audiobook narrator i'm-

I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE he tied her on a wall and legit said (AND I QUOTE): "I CAN'T SEE WHAT I'M DOING, I MUST SHAVE YOU"

okay they're having the classis 50sog sex now AND THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY DETAILS I DON'T WANT THIS

THERE ARE SO MANY DETAILS I CAN'T TWEET THEM THEY'RE TOO MUCH

yaaaay she finally had her first orgasm :))

they finished and he's like "you know what.... LET'S DO IT AGAIN tO mAkE sUrE tHe PoTiOn iS oUt oF yOuR sYsTeM"

he's looking at her and said (i quote one again): "You look so beautiful like this, I should call in townspeople and sell tickets for them to watch" damn boi chile-

he unties her and is like "goodbye now"
she: "can't i stay?"
he: "no"
HE'S YEETING HER OUT THE CABIN

she's naked and she can't just go outside, so she asked him if she can borrow something to wear AND HE BRINGS HER BLACK LEATHER BOOTS??? NOTHING ELSE??? WHY TF DOES HE HAVE SIZE 7 BLACK LEATHER BOOTS AT HOME

alright she's walking over the field of mushroom dicks again

she met a new man called dick (of course, why not) and he said there's a big "raindbow party" going on which is "a lot of fun" please don't let it be a gangbang PLEASE

CHESHIRE IS MASTURBATING

THE MAN CALLED DICK IS A POLICE-STRIPPER

let me explain what a "rainbow party" is (according to the book): putting on different shades of lipstick, sucking some dick :) and then the dick looks like a raindbow because of the different lipstick shades :)))helpme)))))

they have said "magnificent tits" at least 5 times now-

sorry i needed a break, i almost puked (this is no joke), BUT I'M BACK NOW AND THIS WOMAN WAS LIKE "LICK MY BOOTS" SO THE GUY DID