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HOW TO WRITE A NOVEL DURING COVID-19 LOCKDOWN:
1. open document
2. stare at it
3. stare through it
4. deep breath
5. okay here we go
6. begin to type furiously, chicka-chacka-clacka
7. realize you& #39;ve written a tweet about writing a novel instead of actually writing a novel oh no
1. open document
2. stare at it
3. stare through it
4. deep breath
5. okay here we go
6. begin to type furiously, chicka-chacka-clacka
7. realize you& #39;ve written a tweet about writing a novel instead of actually writing a novel oh no
okay I& #39;m gonna write it not
write it for REAL
it& #39;s time to write my fuckin masterpiece
my LOCKDOWN OPUS
my QUARANTOUR DE FORCE
wait did I check Turnip Prices on Animal Crossing yet hold on
okay okay okay that& #39;s not a novel I can do this I CAN DO THIS
gonna
do
my
god
damn
best
write it for REAL
it& #39;s time to write my fuckin masterpiece
my LOCKDOWN OPUS
my QUARANTOUR DE FORCE
wait did I check Turnip Prices on Animal Crossing yet hold on
okay okay okay that& #39;s not a novel I can do this I CAN DO THIS
gonna
do
my
god
damn
best
shit my kid needs math help hold on
you know what, turns out, I can& #39;t actually do 3rd grade math, and that& #39;s fine, I& #39;m okay with it, honestly that& #39;s why I became a novelist anyway, so I can invent imaginary people and torment them like ants under magnifying glasses
so, back to it
back to noveling!
so, back to it
back to noveling!
*stares at the horizon*
*tries to think of words, any words, not even in a meaningful order*
*tries to think of words, any words, not even in a meaningful order*
you know what, YOU KNOW WHAT, the old saying holds true, writers must also be readers, so I& #39;ll goose the machine, I& #39;ll juice the sluice, lube the ol& #39; brain-chute with somebody ELSE& #39;s words, yessss time to read a book, time to prime the pump
YEAH YAY BOOKS WOO
YEAH YAY BOOKS WOO
I just re-read the same paragraph seven times
I still don& #39;t know what it said
is this even a book
am I trying to read a microwave or a placemat
have I broken words
have words broken me
I still don& #39;t know what it said
is this even a book
am I trying to read a microwave or a placemat
have I broken words
have words broken me
well, I mean, better check Twitter, just see what& #39;s going on in the worl--
okay that wasn& #39;t helpful, do not, I repeat, do NOT check Twitter
ooh you know what, I just need to spark my creativity in another direction -- seize that energy into something crafty, something not-a-book that will then help me write-a-book, let& #39;s see, let& #39;s just check the Internet and
okay I& #39;m into the APPLE DRESSER but do I need some kind of homesteading toilet, is that a thing I need
maybe it is
I don& #39;t even know what I need anymore
maybe it is
I don& #39;t even know what I need anymore
I& #39;m sure I& #39;m handy, I can put my handiness skills to good use, maybe I should plant some plants
or bake some goods, I could definitely eat some bread right about now, some nice homemade bread
no
NO
I am a writer
the writer WRITES
even in times of tumult and duress the writer must write
so here I go
writing in 3
2
1
NO
I am a writer
the writer WRITES
even in times of tumult and duress the writer must write
so here I go
writing in 3
2
1
WRITE YOU MOTHERFUCKER WRITE
maybe coffee will help
wait but how did this whiskey get here
wait hold on
I think I feel something
a little creative spark
a bit of zip, a bit of zap
HERE WE GO, I& #39;M WRITING
I think I feel something
a little creative spark
a bit of zip, a bit of zap
HERE WE GO, I& #39;M WRITING
