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I’m Maris. I consider myself a suspected case of ADHD in adulthood. Nothing unbearable, just an addendum.
Since I am undiagnosed, I’m fulfilling this thread with all those personal traits that may lead to ADHD. As I’m learning everyday more about this complex topic, I’m going eventually to integrate missing points.
Without any doubts - I am subjected to those dynamics that lead to Maladaptive Daydreamig and what I did’t know it was called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.
Another mile stone is my endless inner voice. During the day, it haunts me and beats me up over those things I didn’t managed at my best. During a confrontation, it allows me to make creative points or connections. At night, it just doesn’t shut up.
My research for answers started from my feeling of exhaustion. I’m overall healthy and blood tests didn’t highlight something unusual. I am still feeling like I’ve only got a low battery level to do all my tasks. It never improves, sometimes it get worse.
Despite of achieved results, I cannot hide those troubles and difficulties behind them. Furthermore, they seems to me irrationals. I understand a certain situation, but I can’t find the button where everybody else see it.
It is quite evident how hard I have to try in order to get ordinary things done. “I get lost in a water glass”. Often, it feels like I have to re-learn those simple steps over and over. The process doesn’t become automatized.
As a student at University, I’m constantly fighting with myself in order to focus on what rationally in more relevant. Often I find myself doing those right things just before the examination. That’s not healthy and I can easily become overwhelmed.
Not matter how many list I make, I will sure eventually follow a different and more chaotic path. If I have not idea of what I have to do, I get even more lost. The result eventually come, but often it could be better and more rewarding.
Despite all those interpersonal missing skills and the social environment in which I live, I’m for sure unable to handle little talks. I instantly zone out or interrupt. That make it more difficult talking with peers.
Looking at my future, I have an hard time visualizing my path. I don’t lack imagination, but I often feels like is too much to handle. Of course, a part of me, want to achieve important goals despite everything. Sometimes I ask myself if is the case to minimize expectations.
Everybody once in a while feels like this. To me it sounds different, because I can’t say what will eventually work for me in order to overcome these obstacles. Furthermore, being lazy should be something rewearing in brief period, while I’m filing constant discomfort from this.
