Ok gather round white folks, we gotta talk about some shit.

Part of our privilege of being white is feeling free to ask questions of others. We're led to the idea that part of making friends or just going about your day is asking questions.

Which sucks for anyone not white.

Which is hard to understand when you, a white person, have been told the world is your oyster, you can do anything, you should be curious & ask questions.

The issue comes from the fact that it doesn't cost much for two whites to ask questions about each other to each other.

But when it comes to topics not covered in your standard white-centric education, topics of nuance, of culture, of race, there's this temptation to ask who YOU think an expert on that is.

Which leads to a whole lotta whites asking Black folk the same question.

Over.

And over.

And this goes for all people of color as well, as well as basically for anyone who isn't white, cisgendered, assigned male at birth, temporarily abled, neurotypical, Christian, a citizen, etcetera.

But I'm gonna use Black folk here specifically because of this:

And it's at this point that we have to talk about something else about being white:

Thinking you're the first to discover something.

Every single time a white thinks up something that they think hasn't been thought about, it's really only just them not having thought about it.

I know because I've struggled with this. Because many white parents treat those discoveries as a way to encourage curiosity WITHOUT also stating that things been thought about before. There's a variety of reasons that occurs, most are not malicious.

Like that person's question.

Genuinely, that white Twitter user - who is now being properly dragged - didn't ask Brandon that question out of malice.

Brandon, to him, is a Black expert. Who he trusts & knows a little.

So to bond, he asked a question.

A question Brandon isn't an expert on in the slightest.

But because Brandon is the Black expert in that person's mind, they assumed anything to do with Black anything, Brandon would probably know.

Which is what any white expects their non-white friend to know.

This is a form of racism.

Brandon is not himself, he is Black expert.

His identity as a complex human being with likes & dislikes, preferences & experiences, blind spots & biases, was completely removed by this poster. He became not a human, but Black expert, expected to know all things at every moment about the entirety of the Black Experience.

And how many times do you think Brandon has had this happen to him in the course of one day?

In the course of one week?

In the course of a month, of a year, of his lifetime?

Because as a prominent Black creator with 10,000+ followers, it's way more than 0 for all of those.

And the question you, if you're white, should be asking is:

How many times have you made one of your friends into an Expert?

How many times could you have gone to Google or researched something yourself, but instead you made your friend an ambassador for part of their identity?

How many times have you asked your trans friend about their trans experience? Your "Asian" friend about "Asian customs"? How many times have you forced your friend who uses a wheelchair how they do something?

Because if you're white, I promise you: you've done it at some point.

Maybe they told you it was ok. They told you it didn't bother them, & actually thanks for asking! "Anytime I get to educate someone is good!"

Maybe they believed that the first dozen or so times. Maybe they believed it when you asked.

Or maybe it was a convenience by then.

What you have to learn is that when you deviate in appearance from what societal "normal" is, you are exponentially asked more & more questions by those closer to the norm.

It becomes a routine inquisition into the "aberration" of your existence.

And not all of it is malicious.

And if you are white, whether you are a woman, if you're gay, or aren't privileged in some other way, you've done this too at some point.

I've seen white women ask these same questions, shifting the labor.

It's part of the programming of whiteness itself. It affects all whites.

The simple solution?

Learn to self-educate. Learn how to research & Google effectively & avoid bad information. Teach yourself how to find the facts, the truths. It isn't as hard as you might think.

And then do that instead of asking your non-white friend the question! Simple.

"But Riley, what if my question is so specific or I have researched & still haven't found an answer?"

Well then either you didn't actually research hard enough in which case go back or do it again, or you may need to reach out to someone.

But you should ask if it's ok to ask.

Don't just tweet or DM & say "hey I've found a problem, do you know the solution?"

Say "hey I've been researching something & I haven't found a good answer, do you have the time & availability to answer this question, & if not, do you know who might?"

It's easy, but important.

Because it lets the other person know you've put in some work, you're not trying to impose, & also gives them the ability to defer or decline.

And you may get declined & you may get declined angrily.

And if that is the case, apologize & go away. Don't try to defend it at all.

Because you don't know how many times that person has been asked to play Expert that day & you need to not make it about you.

Because one of the most critical things in deconstructing your own whiteness is realizing:

Everything isn't about you always.

It really, really isn't.

So go forth, white folk.

Stop asking so much of your non-white friends. Start asking more of yourself & of your own education.

And for the love of god stop making such a scene when you fuck up.

Apologize where needed, don't keep being defensive, log off, introspective, & grow.

Also.

If it took me, a white person, to make you realize this & question it?

You must ask why you haven't heard others say it before.

Because I promise you: they've been talking & writing & educating about this for years & years & years.

It's not new.

Ask why it was to you.