Lemme tell you about the day I faked a phone call.

A thread

Back in high school I was a role model. There was this young lady lengacelwa batali bakhe kutsi ngimsite nge add maths. Young and beautiful.

OK nalu udaba, when I finished high school I went to live in Durban. I couldn't see her. When I came back she was a 1st year student. I stalked her. She was still a hottie.

Sibindzi uyabulala sibindzi uyaphilisa, I slid into her DM. "Hey"
To my surprise she replied with so much excitement. Ngenhlitiyo ngitsi shotsi nako kuyangfuna loku

Fast forward we exchanged digits. Setup a date. We met. She was a big girl now. We had a very flowing conversation. Reminisced about the old days when we were young. I kept my composure. I didn't make any naughty move. Sihlukane abuyele eRes nami ngiphindele endlini.

So one day, ngihleti ngitinatsela i4th street. Ngbone "hey, wuup2?". "Lutho, I'm bored landlini." Kusho mime. "Sorry, I'm bored too". Kusho yena. Uyalati liwayini wena? I stopped texting her ngavele ngamshayela straight ngatsi akabambe ikombi ete landlini. I gave her directions.

"Sengehlile" she said. Ngeva kuphakama tindvuku. Don't judge me its natural. OK ngimhlangabete. Singene endlini ngivale emnyango, ngimdzabule ngalamza phela angsiso sdididi mine. Sihlale, I poured her wine sinatse.

Ngimbute sakudlala kutsi "utojika kusasa angitsi"...guess what " yes" she replied sipping her wine. In my mind ngitsi lo

OK since mogherl is spending the night here no need to rush things once again I kept my composure. I didn't want to freak her out kan nemakombi asahamba.

Lishone lilanga, ngigeze ngingene eshower ngigeze, I was planning a fifty shades kinda experience. OK ngibuye acele a glass of water atsi ufuna kunatsa emaphilisi. Ngimbute kutsi unani atsi une anemia. Mmm ok.

Hhay kungidle. Why lamaphilisi afane nalelengake ngawanatsa

Atsi she also want to take a shower but she didn't bring toiletries. Fortunately I had recently bought a set of towels from clicks. Ngimnike the towel lokunye She'll use lokukhona.

Nakasukuma in my mind ngitsi she'll get a get phela she's a fine ass girl

Ngiphindze ngikhumbule kutsi hhayi mani lomuntfu unamanga lo. Lamaphilisi akusiwo e anemia.

Ngsukume ngiyolalela kutsi sayahaza yini emanti eshower.

Hhay kungale ngivule her bag ngidibane nelikhadi lacala kabusha. Jovongcwele ngoneni kani mine.

Lobusuku sengtobutsini coz I'm ain't touching her. I've taken so many risks in life but not today.

She came back and I remained composed.

Ngkhumbule kutsi I'm streetwise, I never run out of ideas. Ngphakamise iphone.

"Hello anti, ngtfole your missed call botsini?"
"Hawu, pho manje uphi?"
"Yho ok, asengite naloku sekuhwalele".

I turned to her, "sekumele ngphutfume ka anti kuphatseke mzala". Ngishayele Jeffrey ngicele asivete eKwaluseni ngyobeka mogherl bese umikisa mine ka anti lo imaginary

Afike Jeffrey, sitsatse umntfwana simbeke. Ngitsi sharp mogherl I'll make it up to you kusasa.

Ngitfwale tandla enhloko in shock. Ngitjele Jeffrey kutsi akangbuysele endlini akukho samzala agula bengfuna kucosha mogherl.

The end!! Thanks for reading.