••• Attachment Style Thread •••

an in-depth explanation of all attachment styles and how to determine yours

I have seen a lot of tweets floating around in regards to attachment styles. To determine yours, you can take this test here: https://bit.ly/3am9QEv 

That’s not a virus by the way, I just shortened the link lol

but first, what is an attachment style?

attachment itself, refers the way in which you relate to other people. your attachment style was formed during your first two years of your life.

Once your attachment style is formed it plays out in how you relate in intimate relationships in your adult life. Good news is, you can change this and it is NOT irreversible!

Understanding your attachment style is helpful because it clarifies the ways in which you are emotionally limited as an adult & what you need to change to improve your romantic & platonic relationships.

I think it’s also important to understand how an attachment style is formed.

When you were a baby you needed to develop a relationship with at least one caregiver in order for you to survive, obviously.

how your parents or caregiver responded to you, particularly during times of distress, established your attachment style.

there are four types of attachment styles, which determine the type of personality you will develop.

ATTACHMENT STYLES:
- secure
- avoidant
- anxious
- disorganized

PERSONALITIES
- secure
- dismissive
- preoccupied (or anxious)
- fearful-avoidant

• Secure Attachment & Secure Personality •

If you have this attachment style you formed an emotional attachment to an adult who was CONSISTENTLY responsive to your needs. They made you feel safe, seen and soothed.

As an adult you have a strong sense of self, and you view your partners and relationships positively. Your life is balanced because you are both secure in your independence and in your close, intimate relationships

• Avoidant Attachment & Dismissive/Avoidant Personality •

Your parent or caregiver was emotionally unavailable and, as a result, they were insensitive to or unaware of your needs. They had little or no response when you were distressed.

You might have taken on the role of a “little adult” who take care of themselves. As a child, and also now you tend to pull away from needing anything from anyone and you are self-contained.
As an adult you tend to regard relationships and emotions as being unimportant.

You suppress and rationalize your feelings. Your typical response to conflict and stressful situations is to avoid them by distancing yourself. You also may isolate yourself and tend to be emotionally absent or out of touch with your emotions.

• Anxious Attachment & Anxious/Preoccupied Personality •

Your parent or caregiver at times had appropriate and nurturing responses but at other times they were intrusive and insensitive. This made you confused and insecure, not knowing what type of treatment to expect.

You often felt suspicious and distrustful of your parent but at the same time you acted clingy and desperate.
As an adult you are self-critical and insecure. You seek approval and reassurance from others, yet this never relieves your self-doubt.

In your relationships you might experience fear that you are going to be rejected by your partner and this makes you worried and distrustful. This dynamic also drives you to act clingy and overly dependent with your partner.

• Disorganized Attachment & Fearful-Avoidant Personality •

Your parent or caregiver was abusive to you as a child. The physical and emotional abusive behavior you experience was life-threatening for you at the time.

Your survival instincts were telling you to flee to safety but safety was the very person who was terrifying YOU. Because of the pain and trauma you experience you disassociated from yourself.

What you went through was so traumatizing that you had to detach from what was happening. What you were experiencing is now blocked from your consciousness.

As an adult, you continue to be somewhat detached from yourself. You are comfortable in relationships until you start to become emotionally close to that person.

The feelings that were repressed in childhood begin to resurface and, with no awareness of them being from the past, you experience them in the present, re-living an old trauma.