Read on Twitter
“How can you LIKE this stuff if you’re a CSA survivor?!” Is an incredibly intrusive question but I’m an open book so let me give you my most prevelant (but definitely not sole) reason for enjoying NSFW of fictional minors.
Minors — get this — experience sexual arousal! It’s pretty wild, but apparently, SOME teenagers experience something called “horny” from time to time. In fact, some might even say these are the most fertile and hormonal years of the human species.
And during the years I was experiencing Horny for the first time, I was easy to take advantage of as a child who was denied access to comprehensive sex ed! A classmate of mine saw my vulnerabilities and used them to his advantage to form a sexual power imbalance between us.
So, for 5 years of my most fertile and hormonal years of life, my pleasure was COMPLETELY controlled by someone else. How I was allowed to feel about that pleasure was his to decide as well. How I managed that pleasure was for him to decide.
Fast forward into the years I’m finally on my own, getting to know myself. Getting older. Oh shit. My teenage sex experiences were bad. I’ll never get that back. 1, I will never take back the things he said or did to me. I’ll never get to unexperience that.
2, I’ll never get to tell him “no, that’s not how I feel” or “no, that’s not what I want” or “no, I like this because of that”. 3, I’ll never get to tell MY OWN childhood self that it’s not her fault for not knowing she was allowed to say no to Her Own Boyfriend.
4, I’ll never get to show her in what ways he twisted her psyche. I’ll never get to show her how BACKWARDS and ABSURD this situation truly was — or that 5, it ultimately isn’t the end of the world because there’s like.. way more life to experience.
Except! Oh!
1 I can literally draw the teenage characters I relate to having teenage sex experiences I actually relate to, literally taking back the narrative my abuser forced upon me.
1 I can literally draw the teenage characters I relate to having teenage sex experiences I actually relate to, literally taking back the narrative my abuser forced upon me.
2 I CAN remind the teenager in me that I can say ‘no’ whenever I want to! I can choose when to consume this content and when to avoid it! Just like I can choose when to engage with a sex partner and when to do literally anything else!!
3 Getting to exercise my freedom of choice in these spaces helps me stand up for myself even to my loved ones! It can be hard calling someone out when they may be accidentally taking advantage of you, but allowing unhealthy precedents to form is dangerous!
4 I can make absurd/extreme/abstract/hyper sexualized/“fucked up” content that taps into the part of my brain I previously had no control over. I can control that part so it’s not so scary anymore — so it’s easier to manage and navigate if and when it comes up in my real life.
5 Making this content helps me feel less shameful and guilty about what someone else chose to put me through. No longer living with guilt has helped me be more trusting of my current relationships, and more active in them as well. It’s been nice.
So in conclusion, the major reason why “drawn/written NSFW of fictional minors in sexual situations” is beneficial to my specific circumstances as a CSA survivor is: CONTROL!
I get control over my own feelings! My story! My value! My narrative! My sexuality!
I get control over my own feelings! My story! My value! My narrative! My sexuality!
I get to stick it to my abuser by saying “actually, no — just because I get turned on by weird shit doesn’t mean you’re allowed to ignore it when I ask you to stop or slow down. My arousal IS NOT my consent.”
I get to control how I am allowed to feel about my own sex abuse.
I get to control how I am allowed to feel about my own sex abuse.
And this is what MANY trauma recovery experts say is a key and integral part of helping survivors recover — it’s in helping them reclaim the narrative someone or something else took away from them without their consent or understanding.
This is a healthy coping mechanism FOR ME. If this is something that discomforts you or even doesn’t affect you at all one way or the other, then this isn’t your coping mechanism.
And I also understand not everyone wants to see someone else’s recovery process — but some people NEED that kind of representation. If your concern is not being able to filter out the icky, contact support and ask them to integrate comprehensive content filters.
Don’t tell CSA survivors how their trauma recovery should look. Don’t tell their allies they must be a certain amount of Traumatized to be valid content creators. Don’t hold consenting, cooperative creators or kinkers responsible for the actions of sex predators.
And that is why I, a CSA survivor, can enjoy icky weird fictional content — because if the most control a person has asked for is “determining the actions and feelings of —fictional characters” and not “—living human beings”, I’m so fucking good, you guys. I have no issues.
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✌️" title="Victory hand" aria-label="Emoji: Victory hand">
