Might just make up captions for this until it's safe to congregate again.

"See the cotton on the top there, it's soft and downy like my combover."

"And you can have a little play with the swabs, see.

'Who's on first?'

'Yes.'

'I mean the fellow's name.'

'I know.'

'You're fake news.'

'What?'

'Human scum is what you are.'

See? Have fun with the swabs."

"They sent me a box of little Q-tips & I said 'That's fake news. I want big swabs.' The head of Q-tips called me & said 'Sir, you're big & strong & we'll only make big Q-tips from now on.' He had tears streaming down his face. I could hear the tears."

#TrumpPressConference

"See these swabs? They're six feet apart."

#TrumpPressConference

"Ya know the 'drawing straws' game? That was mine. But straws are fake news so we called it 'drawing swabs.' Drawing swabs - my idea. My buddies & I did this at brothels. 'Sorry, Lloyd!' we'd say. 'You drew the short swab. You get the gal w the lazy eye.'"

#TrumpPressConference

"Did you know I invented Q-tips? My idea. Well, almost. My dad once evicted the guy who eventually came up with the idea so I basically invented 'em. The deep state won't tell you that. They're fake news. They're scum."

#TrumpPressConference

Friendly reminder that none of the quotes in this thread are real. Just jokes.