Hello, MTV. Welcome to my apartment. I live in this complex with many of my teammates, which I regret entirely. Let’s go inside.

This is my entrance hall. You can access four rooms from here. Where would you like to start?

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This is my bedroom. I have a few things here I’ll let you look at if you wash your hands. What would you like to see?

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Hand washing montage.

This is my closet. It doubles as my laundry room. Why you want to see it is beyond me. I’ve removed a few things out of privacy.

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T-the cabinet, yeah, that’s off-limits... WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DON’T TOUCH THAT IT’S-

... Private...

Okay, we’re leaving. Back to my room. Never again. I will handcuff you if you try anything else.

We’re back in my room. I don’t know if I still want you here, to be honest. But my PR team is already pissy cause I’m “too insensitive”. If you try anything else there will be consequences.

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This is my bulletin board. I like to keep it quite tidy and simple. I keep a very strict schedule for the beginning and end of my day, but everything in between is subject to change, which is why I make a list of what I need to do each day.

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This is my balcony. It’s where I like to do my gardening. Hoshiumi likes to fly outside the balconies and try to get Hinata, who lives above me, to admit defeat. It is incredibly annoying, so I don’t come out here often.

Back to the entry way. We have three rooms left to explore. Where would you like to go next?

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This is my bathroom. I clean the entire thing everyday, not just my bathtub, because bathrooms are disgusting.

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Some fox underwear. Not of importance. I must have...forgotten to put it in the laundry... We’re LEAVING.

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This is my toilet room. You are all so NOSY.

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I’m starting to get tired of everyone’s insistence on seeing everything that exists in my house. What were you expecting? We’re going back.

We have two more rooms to check out.

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Welcome to my living room, where I- Oh my god, get out. I told you not to- Yes, I knew you were gonna get lonely, which is why I gave you my Nintendo-Numbskull, stand outside until this is over. Okay. Thank you.

Sorry. Welcome to my living room, where I like to write my poetry over the loss of my lover, Mr. Clean. I’m writing a book of such actually, but that’s not the point. This room used to be a guest room, but I don’t have any guests.

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This is my office. It used to be a closet, because of the guest room situation, but I use it now as the place where I avoid everyone to listen to Cascada on full blast at 3 am.

... Oh my god. I’ll be right back.

Very sorry. Because of my- cough- friend’s terrible impatience, we will be having a guest for the end of the tour.

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Again, What exactly were you expecting?

That leaves only one room left... The kitchen...

The kitchen... It’s small, because I live in an apartment, but I love to cook, so it’s also nice. One of my favourite places...

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This is just my grocery list. I always have unexpected visitors in my house.

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For the THIRD time today, what were you expecting besides normal food and a Mr. Clean sticker?

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... ATSUMU DO NOT LOOK... It’s just the birthday plans I have currently... He never goes in the freezer because the sweet peppers are always in the fridge. Don’t tell him I have plans 169 days in advance. He doesn’t need to know that.

Wait. What’s that... In the back row...

.... @BO_KOTARO Is this your doing. Captain MeiEgg. Really?

Moving the hell on. (Stupid ass teammates... Drawing on my food...)

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My dining room is pretty normal as well. It’s actually just a breakfast nook, since it’s so small. I don’t like eating in other rooms because of the mess. With less furniture, it’s easier to clean as well. No cockroaches, ever.

Oh my god. I think that’s my cue to leave. This idiot...

Thanks for tuning into MTV Cribs. Hope you enjoyed my apartment tour.

End of tour.