Today we had a small xokam at my Mahi’s place. My Ma, as the surviving eldest child on her side of the family, guided the intricate rituals of an Assamese Hindu xokam smoothly as she always does. Right from the guxaighor thapona kaam to the xokam bhonga aaxirbaad, she has always

been the north star of the family, ever since my grand parents passed. Like so many things we take for granted in our lives, i never ever thought about how i will know, how to execute something like this when the baton is passed. As i saw her in full command of how things should

be placed, what ghoxa to be recited, how to maintain the spiritual ambience of devotion, how to control wayward flighty youngsters with one look, how to ensure that the Kirtan hymns are sung in tandem, i had the strangest thought in my head. Nobody has ever thought of recording

these intimate family rituals. Any other day I wouldn’t have thought much about it. My Ma is in pretty good health, and is still an imposing imperious dynamo, whose word is a command in our extended family. But this lockdown is playing funny with my thoughts lately.

As i looked at her today, all of a sudden she appeared in extra clarity in who she was among the blur of other relatives in the background. She has been groomed for this role ever since she was born the eldest to her parents. Her quiet indomitable confidence comes from the

lifetime of repeated experiences as her father’s deputy and later as her in laws right hand. Nobody has ever questioned her role as custodian of rituals or as the main teacher of the Bhagavad Gita and Naam ghoxa to the family. However, her own children has not grown up like her.

We were always told to do this or that. Wear mekhela sador, take uroni, bhokotok xewa kora, etiya khabo para, etiya utha ! Everything has to be spelt out to us. I don’t see anybody among our peer group who knows how to conduct a xokam without support from a guxai or bhokot.

And i was petrified. All of a sudden i could see as if i had left my body and was observing things from a great distance. The scene i was in, had a huge clock ticking away counting towards a ephemeral end. How on earth are we going to ensure this continuity in traditions ?

Sometimes it seems to me that the present older generation is the only definition of being Assamese that we know. Our own generation has strayed too far from our roots. We have become like the city ppl, hunting for a bhokot or pandit to conduct our religious affairs without

any idea of the mantras invoked, or the kirtans sung. We have transferred responsibility of our communication to God to a third party who we assume will say the right things for our spiritual benefit. Some decades back, xaatro xikha was conducted by our grandparents who would

gather the family kids and teach us tales and morals from the xastros. They taught us basic prayers and mantras to clutch on to during difficult times. But with the advent of the internet age, we have forgotten how to sit with our elders and learn our way of life. This lockdown

has been teaching a lot of things to a lot of us. Today, i felt ashamed that i have not tried to learn even 1/100th of what my mother can teach me. We respect books, experiences, life coaches, motivation gurus, crisis counsellors and a whole galaxy of spiritual medicators.

But we have not learnt what our mothers can teach us. How did we arrive here ? On the way back home, i asked Ma about a beautiful Kirtan segment she had sung today. Both Dada and i were quiet listening to her discourse on one of Lord Krishna’s antics. She didn’t tell it to us in

old textbook language. She explained it in a modern way that we could comprehend. Then she gave her version of the metaphysical world and our location in it as sentient beings. It was beautiful. It was so deeply satisfying and spiritual listening to her. And i looked at

Dada, then i looked at her. We both are born of her womb. And i felt that invisible thread of life, of God, of creation, the Universe, in that tiny car, a certainty that we need to centre ourselves with this strong primordial life force of our families. We need to learn so much.