Nope. But now I wanna talk about it lmao. https://twitter.com/_feelmybeard/status/1251193419256475649

Bout to tell a couple far fetched but true roommate stories while y'all not payin me no mind lmao.

Her last name was Jenkins. Not gonna say her full name in case anyone from UNT knows her. It's been almost 15 yrs but still

Weeks before moving into the dorms, I saw her name and got excited like "Jenkins...she's probably Black and cool ". Jenkins was one of my nicknames back then so I'm thinkin I hit the roommate lottery

I move in. She's Black. But like in a Candace Owens way. She introduced herself and told me we wouldn't have to fight over the bathroom cause she didn't shower much

She had a White bf, and they wore each others clothes interchangeably. Mostly oversized musty concert/anime shirts. Her side of the room stayed filthy and I never wanted people to visit me cause it smelled like scrimmage jerseys.

As funky as she was, we were rarely home at the same time and we were cordial. I was makin it work until I saw she had mealworms in her clear oatmeal cannister. Looked closely at her shelf and saw they were in all her containers on her side of the room.

Nigga.

So I calmly (Not fucking calmly at all) go to the front desk and ask for an emergency transfer. They tried to put me on a waitlist but I needed to move out ASAP. They like
"The only room we can switch you to is with....Jackie"

Jackie was a stud who strictly dated white women but secretly fucked Black guys at night. More on that later

But she had a reputation for being a bully and had a large suite to herself with 2 beds and a kitchenette.

Apparently she'd scared off 4 roommates before me, on some OZ prison shit...but I'd rather deal with that than mealworms so I said fuck it.

She got rid of her first roommate by disabling the thermostat during the summer. Texas summers are unbearable so the girl moved out. She did the same thing to the next girl except during the winter she wouldn't allow the heat to be on. She moved out.

Next girl was super religious, so Jackie invited her gf over to fuck in the roommates bed...the girl walked in on them and immediately moved out .

Last girl didn't eat pork for religious reasons so Jackie laced all her food and toiletries with swine

When I moved in, she made it clear her goal was to scare me off. I was chillin tho cause she showered and didn't have bugs

She tried sexual harassment, cyber bullying on fb. I was Ned Flanders

She'd do that knife between the fingers choppy thing while staring at me and I'd just smile cause she kept her side of the room clean lmao.

As time went on we kind of got used to each other. Sometimes she'd mix up Thunderbird with strawberry Boone's Farm and share her prison spreads.

Other times I'd come home to her in the fetal position cause she sold hella plasma

At some point she was doin angel dust and shit with embalming fluid. I shouldn't say this but there were times I thought she was dead and in my head I'd be like "Now who finna have the room to theyself? "

One time she lured some guy back to our room with the promise of a threesome. He got mad at her cause I was under my covers in my bonnet fake sleep. He like "yo, wassup with her? I thought you said she was gon be ready?" I'm fake sleep like a mf

This is in the middle of her giving him head lmao. He kept stopping her like "I was told by apple care..."

So she tells him to walk over and put it in my face to wake me up.

No nigga. My eyes popped open and I told him I'd strangle him with his own doo rag if he came any closer.

So shit is awkward. He goes back over to her side of the room and reluctantly starts having sex with her. I got up and went to the computer lab cause they were makin the room smell like bacon, but not in a good way

Lmao I'm really gonna tell everything I remember about this girl. For Halloween, she dressed up at Clayton Bigsby. A Black stud lesbian in a kkk costume in DENTON, TX...in 2004. What could go wrong?

Tell me why she came home from the bar with her feelings hurt because some white man looked at her costume and said "I'm glad SOMEBODY had the balls to wear it..." or something to that effect. Not knowing she was Black lololol

All this happened over a couple of months btw lol. We were never friends, but we tolerated each other. Until the night of superbowl sunday. It was cold as shit that winter and she tried to pull that thermostat stunt with me.

I got out the shower and the room is freezing cause she done turned off the heat and opened the door. I'm in a towel thinkin the door got blown open or something. I turn the heat back on, close the door. She turns it off, opens it. We do this back and forth a few times.

Finally I turn it back on and leave my hand on the thermostat. She put her hand on top of mine and I spazzed out. Sunk my nails into her and damn near put her through the wall. She was shorter than me but way stockier. Think biker gang member lmao.

I think I caught her off guard cause she froze, then I could see a lightbulb go off and she darted away. I start to grab a weapon cause I'm sure she's goin for her knife, but instead she runs out the room.

I grab the phone and call the front desk. Calmly tell them "My roommate is about to come in and say that I assaulted her"

2 seconds later you hear her barge in and say exactly that. The police come knocking at my door

I'm not very big today as a grown woman but I was an absolute pipsqueak back then. So I open the door and they look confused...these niggas looked past and around me looking for the "aggresor" LMAO

They ask to speak with "Chris-u-lah?". I ain't ee'm correct em. I just said "iss me. I'm her."

Police lookin at each other then back at me like I'M PUSSY lol. They tried to play me.

But anyway, I gave them my story and they said one or both of us had to leave for the night.

It was superbowl Sunday so I was planning to go to Fry street anyway. I volunteered to spend the night elsewhere. Packed a bag and stayed with the guy I was seeing at the time. They told me they'd investigate and decide who would have to move out the room permanently.

GUESS WHO HAD HER OWN HOE DUNGEON FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR WITH HER OWN BATHROOM AND KITCHENETTE.

iss me. I'm her

They kicked Jackie out and the front office spoke in favor of me because of Jackie's history, and because I was and have always been...a sweetheart and a god damned delight.

Also, she had failed out of UNT anyways. Too much PCP and BBD's