One of our cats is missing and it's basically fucking awful

I have a plan

It's 4:30am, and it's totally calm out for the first time in a while. If I call to the cat, I can hear him yowling, one, maybe two gardens down. Fuck. Now I just need to wait for a sensible time to knock on doors, and find a socially distant way to do this.

Annoying thing is he's super timid of other people, so he might not come out for them.

Well, there goes sleeping.

Also he was a shit meow (but a loud purr). His brother can't purr properly, but meows like an ambulance on fire.

Don't hear anything now . But again, his meow his quiet. The lady at the end of the road has a garden accessible without going through the house, and is letting me go round at night. Hopefully it isn't windy etc and we can get a better idea of where he is.

Searching the wood, we could hear meowing, but once we got where we thought was 'close', no more meowing. There are badger sets in the area… but surely he can't be underground, we wouldn't have heard him?

This is a nightmare

Went back to the spot. No meowing at all anymore. Will try again when it's dark, when it's quieter. Had so much hope at 4am. Devastated.

Took this a week ago. During the night he purrs in my face until I create a loop with my arm for him to sleep in.

He shuffles around until his back paws are in my hand, for whatever reason.

I'd quite like him to come & do this again.

Went back out. No sign, no sounds. I feel we've lost the "find the cat" game. I hope it was impossible, else I've let my little buddy down.

I've really appreciated all your stories of cats returning after a long time. They helped. But I don't think it's the case here. Going to try and move on, else it'll paralyze me for weeks.

Goodnight Kimi, you were a good boy.

If that wasn't bad enough, the dishwasher's broken too. Guess we'll have to have a double memorial.

Or maybe there'll be a happy ending where he just turns up, fixes the dishwasher, and curls up on the bed like nothing happened.

And thanks for putting up with me posting all this. I think writing it down has really helped. Maybe I should just get a diary. But y'know, no thought goes unpublished.

HE'S UP A FUCKING TREE. Fire brigade on their way.