Here's why the Rashida conversation stays with me: I once had a biracial teenager come to one of my events and she asked me very somberly what she could do to prove her blackness because she had dirty blonde hair and was very fair.

My heart broke. I still think about her.

Yes, that girl has privilege. Yes, she's going to benefit from it. But is there any room in the conversation for those who know and love their Blackness (even if it was a long road coming) but they don't have the phenotype to show for it?

When can we have that discussion?

Can you still feel compassion and understanding for a privileged person if they don't have two Black parents and pass the paper bag test?

Can we acknowledge that at the same time acknowledging colorism?

I believe we can and this is why I won't stop talking about it.

Someone's experience with Blackness even if influenced by privilege does not erase your experience. We as Black people exist along a continuum. Once we can be honest about our pain and traumas and listen to what we all have to say, we're gonna get somewhere.

Yes, hold privileged Black people accountable--absolutely. But also understand how hard it is to even exist in this world being who you are as a Black person. How you are made to disappear. Some more than others.

We are fighting against that. Don't fight against us.

I think that's all? I have a glass of shiraz near my laptop. I'm not exactly sure I'm making sense.

But seriously--recognize Blackness is a mosaic. It's not static, and neither are you. Give your own people some grace. We're all trying to figure out what it means to exist.

Allow Black people to be contradictory. Allow us to make mistakes. Allow us to find our own way on our own timing. If you don't do this, you deny us the humanity that you spend all day tweeting that white people don't give us.

Which one is it gonna be?