Read on Twitter
Hello this is a Twitter thread that I will be periodically updating with things my boyfriend has said in their sleep during quarantine. You’re welcome in advance.
Context: @peterdakota can have actual conversations with me while being totally asleep. It’s wild. And it’s very entertaining.
Out of context sleep quotes below. Enjoy.
Out of context sleep quotes below. Enjoy.
When I asked Sleep Peter (for fun) if they would rob a bank with me in the morning, they said, “Yes.”
I replied, “Really?”
Without hesitation: “Yeah. Fuck the banks and eat the rich.”
I replied, “Really?”
Without hesitation: “Yeah. Fuck the banks and eat the rich.”
They recently tried to have a thumb war (??) with me while asleep, and I jokingly told them our thumbs needed to sign a peace treaty and go to bed.
They said, “Hmph. My thumb likes to fight.”
They said, “Hmph. My thumb likes to fight.”
I have no context for this one because I don’t understand it:
“You can’t fake death. Like a breakfast sandwich.”
“You can’t fake death. Like a breakfast sandwich.”
They once whined very loudly and I asked what was wrong, they said, “I’m TIRED.”
They said this while asleep.
I just...
They said this while asleep.
I just...
They have, multiple times, reached to hold my hand and said, “There. Just like otters.”
They once told me about all of the reasons they love the Monterey Bay Aquarium and when I laughed, they very seriously told me, “They have a very good conservation program.”
They once started talking about manatees and said, “I love their stupid fucking eyes so much.”
I once brushed my foot against theirs and they murmured, “Don’t touch my calluses.”
Me: Peter, tell me a story.
Them: I don’t know any stories...
Me: Tell me a story about an otter!
Them: I was... I was just thinking about an otter!! How did you KNOW THAT?
Them: I don’t know any stories...
Me: Tell me a story about an otter!
Them: I was... I was just thinking about an otter!! How did you KNOW THAT?
Taking suggestions for questions to ask Sleep Peter tonight 
Me: Peter, what’s the best part of @ChuckECheese?
Peter: Hanging out in the nets... and hiding.
Me: Hiding?
Peter: Yes. When it’s time to go, but you hide and they have to find you.
Peter: Hanging out in the nets... and hiding.
Me: Hiding?
Peter: Yes. When it’s time to go, but you hide and they have to find you.
*someone yells “SHUT UP B*TCH!” on our street*
Sleep Peter, quietly: ...oh no...
Sleep Peter, quietly: ...oh no...
Sleep Peter, unprompted: Sometimes, I think about the other Scorpios. And I think, do they have a Taurus too?
*I laugh*
Sleep Peter: Your laugh sounds... like fresh rain.
(I died.)
Sleep Peter: Your laugh sounds... like fresh rain.
(I died.)
*Sleep Peter suddenly opens their eyes very wide and stares*
Me: Why are your eyes open?
Sleep Peter: Huh... I don’t know. *closes eyes*
Me: Why are your eyes open?
Sleep Peter: Huh... I don’t know. *closes eyes*
Me: There’s a rumor that you hate rollerskating.
Sleep Peter furrows brow, looking displeased: No.
Sleep Peter furrows brow, looking displeased: No.
Me: When did you marry Rihanna?
Sleep Peter, without hesitation: 1999.
Me: 1999!?
Sleep Peter, annoyed that they have to repeat this obvious fact: 1999.
Sleep Peter, without hesitation: 1999.
Me: 1999!?
Sleep Peter, annoyed that they have to repeat this obvious fact: 1999.
Me: What’s the meaning of life?
Sleep Peter: Mmmmm... *frowns*
Me: I think it’s to be good to each other.
SP: Oh. *smiles* Yes.
Me: You taught me that!
SP: I did?? How?
Me: Being loved by you changed my life.
SP: *clutches my hand* Me too.
Sleep Peter: Mmmmm... *frowns*
Me: I think it’s to be good to each other.
SP: Oh. *smiles* Yes.
Me: You taught me that!
SP: I did?? How?
Me: Being loved by you changed my life.
SP: *clutches my hand* Me too.
Peter refuses to discuss Ronald McDonald. Like straight up refuses to engage on this topic.
Sleep Peter: There was this place I went to as a kid... it was like Chuck E Cheese but better... they had like, five floors.
Me: Five floors??
SP: Well, maybe three. I won so many prizes... *giggles* My dad helped me win sometimes.
Me: Five floors??
SP: Well, maybe three. I won so many prizes... *giggles* My dad helped me win sometimes.
*Sleep Peter groans very loudly*
Me: What’s wrong?
SP: Being awake.
Me: But you’re literally asleep??
SP, smiling: ...Hmph.
Me: What’s wrong?
SP: Being awake.
Me: But you’re literally asleep??
SP, smiling: ...Hmph.
I asked Peter when they woke up this morning about marrying Rihanna in 1999, and they exclaimed (with much confusion), “I WAS IN FIFTH GRADE.”
“Mindfulness. I want to shoot that word.” —Sleep Peter
Me: I heard you love capitalism.
Sleep Peter: SAMMMM.
Me: *laughing*
SP, aghast: Don’t laugh, Sam. This is serious.
Sleep Peter: SAMMMM.
Me: *laughing*
SP, aghast: Don’t laugh, Sam. This is serious.
Me: I heard that Ronald McDonald wants to be your pen pal.
Sleep Peter: No.
Me: You don’t want to be his pen pal?
SP: *ignores me*
Me: ...you know when I’m trolling you, don’t you.
SP: Yes, I do.
Sleep Peter: No.
Me: You don’t want to be his pen pal?
SP: *ignores me*
Me: ...you know when I’m trolling you, don’t you.
SP: Yes, I do.
Me: Tell me an inspirational quote.
Sleep Peter: Nuh uh.
Me: You don’t want me to be inspired?
SP: The tree drinks from underground.
Me: What does that mean to you?
SP: I dunno.
Sleep Peter: Nuh uh.
Me: You don’t want me to be inspired?
SP: The tree drinks from underground.
Me: What does that mean to you?
SP: I dunno.
(Cont)
Me: You don’t know?
SP: Hmmmm... I think... maybe... it means that we draw strength from very deep and dark places... and it nourishes us...
Me:
Me: You don’t know?
SP: Hmmmm... I think... maybe... it means that we draw strength from very deep and dark places... and it nourishes us...
Me:
Sleep Peter: I like when you rub my leg like that!
Me, laughing: Like when I caress you?
SP: Yes! It... makes me feel so safe!
Me: Oh. Peter. I’m glad. I want you to feel safe all the time.
SP, proudly: I’m getting there.
Me, laughing: Like when I caress you?
SP: Yes! It... makes me feel so safe!
Me: Oh. Peter. I’m glad. I want you to feel safe all the time.
SP, proudly: I’m getting there.
*I try to discretely open the voice memo app*
Sleep Peter: I see that!
Me, innocently: You see what?
SP: The voice app... you’re trying to catch me. Like a Pokémon. But I’m rare, I’m not so easy... *starts to hum Pokémon theme song*
Sleep Peter: I see that!
Me, innocently: You see what?
SP: The voice app... you’re trying to catch me. Like a Pokémon. But I’m rare, I’m not so easy... *starts to hum Pokémon theme song*
(Cont)
SP: Sleep Peter is elusive and rare. You have to go to a water area.
Me: Wait, what?
SP: Yes. And you can only hatch them from an egg.
SP: Sleep Peter is elusive and rare. You have to go to a water area.
Me: Wait, what?
SP: Yes. And you can only hatch them from an egg.
*Sleep Peter opens their eyes*
Me: Are you awake?
SP, offended: What do you mean “am I awake”!?
Me: Are you awake?
SP, offended: What do you mean “am I awake”!?
Sleep Peter: There’s a very nice playground at Golden Gate Park.
Me: There is?
SP: I meant Dolores.
Me: There is?
SP: I meant Dolores.
Me: Did you have a favorite field trip as a kid?
Sleep Peter: Oh yes! The pumpkin patch.
Me: When did you go?
SP, beaming: Every year!
Me: Did you have cider and donuts?
SP, smiling: Mmmmhm!
Sleep Peter: Oh yes! The pumpkin patch.
Me: When did you go?
SP, beaming: Every year!
Me: Did you have cider and donuts?
SP, smiling: Mmmmhm!
*Sleep Peter rolls over, tries to kiss me*
Me, laughing: What are you doing?
SP, rolling back over: Nothing.
Me, laughing: What are you doing?
SP, rolling back over: Nothing.
Sleep Peter is discussing the merits of the spray can tool on MS Paint.
Our first fight.
Our first fight.
Me: What do you want to be famous for?
Sleep Peter: Hmmm... making a really good point.
Sleep Peter: Hmmm... making a really good point.
Me: Do you remember “jump rope for heart” or whatever—
SP: Mmmm! Huh! I was thinking about that!
Me: When?
SP: Hmmmm... I dunno... I just was for some reason.
SP: Mmmm! Huh! I was thinking about that!
Me: When?
SP: Hmmmm... I dunno... I just was for some reason.
Me: Do you want more Twitter followers than me?
SP: *giggles* Yes.
Me: You do?!
SP: *keeps laughing*
Me: What would you do with that many followers?
SP: Hmmmm... dunno... muse.
Me: You would muse?
SP: *starts snoring*
SP: *giggles* Yes.
Me: You do?!
SP: *keeps laughing*
Me: What would you do with that many followers?
SP: Hmmmm... dunno... muse.
Me: You would muse?
SP: *starts snoring*
Me: What’s so good about the spray bottle on MS Paint?
SP: It’s a spray CAN, Sam.
Me: Okay. Yes. The spray CAN.
SP: It adds texture.
Me: But why—
SP: Texture.
SP: It’s a spray CAN, Sam.
Me: Okay. Yes. The spray CAN.
SP: It adds texture.
Me: But why—
SP: Texture.
*I roll over and see that Sleep Peter is smiling*
Me: What’re you smiling about?
SP, beaming: Your face!
Me: Why does that make you smile?
SP: Your face is very important.
Me: What’re you smiling about?
SP, beaming: Your face!
Me: Why does that make you smile?
SP: Your face is very important.
SP: Oh no!
Me: What’s wrong honey?
SP: You asked me to pick a podcast and now I’ve gone and fallen asleep!
Me: That’s more than alright! You can rest.
SP, very seriously: Sam. I want to participate in this partnership, creatively. I don’t need you to make every decision!
Me: What’s wrong honey?
SP: You asked me to pick a podcast and now I’ve gone and fallen asleep!
Me: That’s more than alright! You can rest.
SP, very seriously: Sam. I want to participate in this partnership, creatively. I don’t need you to make every decision!
SP: I think you’re the most creative person I know.
Me: Oh Peter. That’s so nice of you. Thank you.
SP: Maybe in the entire world even.
Me:
Me: Oh Peter. That’s so nice of you. Thank you.
SP: Maybe in the entire world even.
Me:
Me: What’s something people would be surprised to know about me?
SP: *giggles* You literally can’t be serious for more than fifteen minutes. You’re physically incapable of it.
SP: *giggles* You literally can’t be serious for more than fifteen minutes. You’re physically incapable of it.
Peter is singing “Another Day” from Rent ??
Sleep Peter is a really tender and lovely singer omg
I happen to be awake so I am watching the sunrise and listening to the birds.
Sleep Peter randomly opens their eyes, smiles softly and says, “Oh! What a beautiful morning!”
Sleep Peter randomly opens their eyes, smiles softly and says, “Oh! What a beautiful morning!”
SP: I like your voice. Your voice is very gentle.
Me: It is?
SP: Yes! It makes me feel... like nothing bad could ever touch us.
Me:
Me: It is?
SP: Yes! It makes me feel... like nothing bad could ever touch us.
Me:
Protect Sleep Peter at ALL COSTS
*trying to get an eyelash out of my eye*
SP: Are you picking your nose?
Me: What?
SP: What?
SP: Are you picking your nose?
Me: What?
SP: What?
*I try to ask Peter a question*
Sleep Peter, groaning: I will never be rested ever again.
Sleep Peter, groaning: I will never be rested ever again.
Sleep Peter: Sam! I’ve changed so much.
Me: In recovery?
SP: Yes! All along I thought I was taking steps... I was actually taking leaps!
Me:
Me: In recovery?
SP: Yes! All along I thought I was taking steps... I was actually taking leaps!
Me:
“You’re a baby duck.”
*smiling as a breeze blows through the open window*
“This is a nice breeze. I think it’s the nicest I’ve ever felt.”
“This is a nice breeze. I think it’s the nicest I’ve ever felt.”
“I like citrus fruits. Because they grow in the sun and so do I. And because you got [a tree] for me and they are beautiful and they cure depression and they are beautiful. And because I can throw them at you. When you are rotten, I will throw oranges at you.”
Sleep Peter says clementine trees cure depression. You heard it here first!
Me: What’s your favorite part about living together?
Peter, beaming: Laughter. Your face in the sunlight. We share priorities and we help motivate each other.
Me:
Peter: Things were so dark for so long, and now it’s sunlight. I didn’t know it could be this bright.
Peter, beaming: Laughter. Your face in the sunlight. We share priorities and we help motivate each other.
Me:
Peter: Things were so dark for so long, and now it’s sunlight. I didn’t know it could be this bright.
They fell asleep very early tonight and they’ve just been smiling the whole entire time and I’m just dead
Where did I find this puddle of sunshine and what did I even do to deserve this
Where did I find this puddle of sunshine and what did I even do to deserve this
Me: What is our future?
SP: Hm... a very safe home, wonderful things in every corner. We share it with our friends. We just share so much and we know our neighbors and we look after them. Hm. And I think, um, we support each other and we really listen to each other.
SP: Hm... a very safe home, wonderful things in every corner. We share it with our friends. We just share so much and we know our neighbors and we look after them. Hm. And I think, um, we support each other and we really listen to each other.
SP: I’m going to get you a house that you can redecorate. You can make it exactly the way that you want it. I promise.
Me:
Me:
SP, suddenly empowered out of literally nowhere: I don’t want to be around ANYBODY who takes away my energy anymore
Me: What’s my best quality?
SP: Your resilience. Your resourcefulness... like your emotional resourcefulness. And your sense of humor. Your generosity. Your deep reflectiveness.
SP: Your resilience. Your resourcefulness... like your emotional resourcefulness. And your sense of humor. Your generosity. Your deep reflectiveness.
Me: I need to go take a shower now, okay?
SP, groaning: I never want to be apart from you. But also I respect you and I’m glad you’re doing self-care and... *starts snoring*
SP, groaning: I never want to be apart from you. But also I respect you and I’m glad you’re doing self-care and... *starts snoring*
*I go to feed the cats and come back, only to have Sleep Peter now on my pillow*
Me: What are you doing?
SP: Sleepin'.
Me: On my pillow?
SP: I just wanted to be close to you!
Me:
Me: What are you doing?
SP: Sleepin'.
Me: On my pillow?
SP: I just wanted to be close to you!
Me:
Sleep Peter: Variety is the spice of life.
Me: What?
SP: Hm?
Me: What?
SP: Hm?
Me: What do you think is your best quality?
SP: My childlike curiosity.
Me: Is that all?
SP, annoyed that I had the nerve to ask again: I dunno. *rolls over*
SP: My childlike curiosity.
Me: Is that all?
SP, annoyed that I had the nerve to ask again: I dunno. *rolls over*
*I try to gently stroke their face*
SP, startled: What are you doing?
Me: Oh! I was just trying to be sweet.
SP, sighing: Oh. Oh.
*I try again, thinking I'd just startled them the first time*
SP, swatting at me: No! It reminds me of BUGS. I don't like it, it's like BUGS.
SP, startled: What are you doing?
Me: Oh! I was just trying to be sweet.
SP, sighing: Oh. Oh.
*I try again, thinking I'd just startled them the first time*
SP, swatting at me: No! It reminds me of BUGS. I don't like it, it's like BUGS.
SP: Are you okay?
Me: Yes! I was just enjoying some quiet time.
SP: Was I being too loud?
Me: No! I’m just overstimulated sometimes so it’s nice to be still for a while.
SP: Yeah, because our chickens keep clucking.
Me: Wait, what?
SP: We’re chatterboxes. Cluck cluck cluck!
Me: Yes! I was just enjoying some quiet time.
SP: Was I being too loud?
Me: No! I’m just overstimulated sometimes so it’s nice to be still for a while.
SP: Yeah, because our chickens keep clucking.
Me: Wait, what?
SP: We’re chatterboxes. Cluck cluck cluck!
Me: Do you think I'm technically polyamorous because I'm dating Awake Peter AND Sleep Peter?
SP, smirking: No. You're polyamorous because you still flirt with most of your exes.
SLEEP PETER IS RUTHLESS
SP, smirking: No. You're polyamorous because you still flirt with most of your exes.
SLEEP PETER IS RUTHLESS
Peter was having a stress dream so I put on the song "No One Is Alone" from Into The Woods to see if it would calm them down without actually waking them.
They sang along so earnestly, I have literally never experienced something so pure in my entire life.
They sang along so earnestly, I have literally never experienced something so pure in my entire life.
Me: Do you know why I played that song for you?
SP: No. Why?
Me: I wanted to remind you that you're not alone! And that you're safe here.
SP: Oh! I know that. You always make me feel safe.
Me:
SP: No. Why?
Me: I wanted to remind you that you're not alone! And that you're safe here.
SP: Oh! I know that. You always make me feel safe.
Me:
Sleep Peter: Oh, the sunshine is so beautiful this morning. Just lovely.
Me, bewildered: Um, yes! It's so nice.
Narrator: It was very cloudy outside.
Me, bewildered: Um, yes! It's so nice.
Narrator: It was very cloudy outside.
I'm in the bathroom when Sleep Peter suddenly yells, "SAM!?! WHERE ARE YOU!?!"
I rush down the hall and ask them what's wrong.
Sleep Peter smiles... and says absolutely nothing.
I rush down the hall and ask them what's wrong.
Sleep Peter smiles... and says absolutely nothing.
Pancake, the larger of my two cats, jumps up into the bed and lays on Peter's feet.
SP: I love that big pig. I love him so.
SP: I love that big pig. I love him so.
It's worth mentioning that Peter noted that Sleep Sam made a rare appearance the other night.
I (allegedly) gave a very passionate speech about how Pluto was ALWAYS a planet, it was just unfairly demoted to a "dwarf planet" because "astronomers are SIZE QUEENS."
I (allegedly) gave a very passionate speech about how Pluto was ALWAYS a planet, it was just unfairly demoted to a "dwarf planet" because "astronomers are SIZE QUEENS."
“I never want to give up my power ever again. My god. I can’t believe people willingly eat whole wheat pasta.” —Sleep Peter
“Diet culture is the worst. If you’re not gluten free why would you eat chickpea pasta? Ughhhhhhh.”
Me: What does Sleep Peter think of Awake Peter?
SP: Well. I think Awake Peter sits on things sometimes. And Sleep Peter... sometimes I think I’m having an epiphany and then I’m actually talking about popsicles or some shit.
SP: Well. I think Awake Peter sits on things sometimes. And Sleep Peter... sometimes I think I’m having an epiphany and then I’m actually talking about popsicles or some shit.
Sleep Peter: [redacted]
Me, laughing: Oh Peter.
SP: Don’t tell the internet that.
Me: I wouldn’t!
SP: Right. That’s not Sleep Peter’s brand.
Me, laughing: Oh Peter.
SP: Don’t tell the internet that.
Me: I wouldn’t!
SP: Right. That’s not Sleep Peter’s brand.
I decided to repeat back all the little sounds Sleep Peter was making. Suddenly they rolled over, pouting, seemingly wounded by my mockery.
Me: Oh Peter! I’m sorry. I was just being playful!
SP, cackling: So was I. Heheheheheh.
Me: Oh Peter! I’m sorry. I was just being playful!
SP, cackling: So was I. Heheheheheh.
Me: What’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever done?
SP: Everything you do is weird.
SP: Everything you do is weird.
Me: What’s the most annoying thing that I do?
Sleep Peter ignores me.
Me: I guess I’m never annoying then!
Sleep Peter, sarcastically: Yeah. Right.
Sleep Peter ignores me.
Me: I guess I’m never annoying then!
Sleep Peter, sarcastically: Yeah. Right.
I just ran birthday gift ideas by Sleep Peter and I think this year is gonna be a hit. 
They were very pleased with what’s coming in the mail.
They were very pleased with what’s coming in the mail.
Sleep Peter, horrified: Sam, some people really eat wheat pasta. Like, all the time. That is so sad. They must be so sad.
Sleep Peter: I wish I weren’t so grumpy sometimes.
Me: Love, all of your feelings are okay. You get to have them.
SP, suddenly very moved: Sam! Sam, that is so nice. That is just so nice. ...I’m not used to that kind of permission. Oh. I feel very nice about that.
Me: Love, all of your feelings are okay. You get to have them.
SP, suddenly very moved: Sam! Sam, that is so nice. That is just so nice. ...I’m not used to that kind of permission. Oh. I feel very nice about that.
Sleep Peter: We have such a nice system going.
Me: Hm? System...?
SP: Yes. We don’t take on each other’s pain, but we hold it and we hold ourselves too and it’s... *snores*
Me: Aw, Peter.
SP, dismayed: Oh no!!
Me: What’s wrong?
SP: I lost my train of thought!
Me: Hm? System...?
SP: Yes. We don’t take on each other’s pain, but we hold it and we hold ourselves too and it’s... *snores*
Me: Aw, Peter.
SP, dismayed: Oh no!!
Me: What’s wrong?
SP: I lost my train of thought!
Me: What do you think Awake Peter could learn from Sleep Peter?
SP: Well, am I even Sleep Peter right now? Sleepiness is a spectrum really. Am I sleepy enough to answer?
Me: That’s fair!
SP: But I’d say it’s good that Sleep Peter has less filters. I have nothing to hide.
SP: Well, am I even Sleep Peter right now? Sleepiness is a spectrum really. Am I sleepy enough to answer?
Me: That’s fair!
SP: But I’d say it’s good that Sleep Peter has less filters. I have nothing to hide.
I gotta say, Sleep Peter handles any and all threats to their existence a lot better than Awake Peter does.
Sleep Peter: Do you like my butt? *groans* I hope so.
Sleep Peter, notes on ??:
Best Butt Brigade
Best Butt Boogaloo
*giggles*
BEST... BUTT... BUTTERSCULPTING
Best Butt Brigade
Best Butt Boogaloo
*giggles*
BEST... BUTT... BUTTERSCULPTING
Podcast: ...we’d like to thank our sponsor Woop—
Sleep Peter: Woop! *giggles loudly*
Sleep Peter: Woop! *giggles loudly*
Sleep Peter: I liked your twitter thread today. About things to do in quarantine.
Me: Oh! Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing it.
SP: You’re so creative. I like you.
Me: Oh! Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing it.
SP: You’re so creative. I like you.
*someone drives by playing jazz music loudly*
Sleep Peter: Oh. That music! I like that very much.
Me: I do too!
SP: It makes me think they must be having a very nice night.
Sleep Peter: Oh. That music! I like that very much.
Me: I do too!
SP: It makes me think they must be having a very nice night.
Sleep Peter, mischievously: I know what your name is in Hebrew. 
Me: What made you think of—
SP: Shmuel.
Me: Uh...
SP: *snores*
Me: What made you think of—
SP: Shmuel.
Me: Uh...
SP: *snores*
5 AM.
Sleep Peter: Sam!!
Me, startled: Wh-What?
SP: *sighs* You’re a delight.
Sleep Peter: Sam!!
Me, startled: Wh-What?
SP: *sighs* You’re a delight.
Me: When did you marry Rihanna?
Sleep Peter, sighing: I told you before. 1999.
Me: Yes, but like... how did you—
SP: I don't have to justify my love to you.
Sleep Peter, sighing: I told you before. 1999.
Me: Yes, but like... how did you—
SP: I don't have to justify my love to you.
Sleep Peter, factually: Splash Mountain is actually very scary. It’s so HIGH.
Me: Are you awake? Or are you Sleep Peter now?
Peter, annoyed: I’m never going to be Sleep Peter if you don’t let me actually rest.
(We’ll find out if they were awake in the morning, haha.)
Peter, annoyed: I’m never going to be Sleep Peter if you don’t let me actually rest.
(We’ll find out if they were awake in the morning, haha.)
Update: That was Sleep Peter sassin’ me. 
Sleep Peter is singing “Meet Virginia” with a southern (???) accent.
SP, sighing: It’s cliche.
SP, sighing: It’s cliche.
Sleep Peter: Why does the word “toast” mean two very different things?
Me: What do you mean?
SP: You know... toasting your bread, or like, toasting with champagne. Why is that?
Me: I dunno. Do you want me to ask Twitter?
SP: Oh yes... somebody had better know the answer.
Me: What do you mean?
SP: You know... toasting your bread, or like, toasting with champagne. Why is that?
Me: I dunno. Do you want me to ask Twitter?
SP: Oh yes... somebody had better know the answer.
Sleep Peter: Ugghhhhh.
Me: What’s wrong?
SP, despairing: I’m thirsty!
Me: Do you want me to get you a cup of water?
SP: If it isn’t too much trouble... I know you have so many priorities! I would understand if you couldn’t.
Me: What’s wrong?
SP, despairing: I’m thirsty!
Me: Do you want me to get you a cup of water?
SP: If it isn’t too much trouble... I know you have so many priorities! I would understand if you couldn’t.
I bring Sleep Peter a cup of water in a mug. It has Cannoli’s (cat) face on it.
SP: What’s this?
Me: Water! Remember you said you were thirsty?
SP, moved: You got me a cup of water! That’s so nice.
SP opens their eyes to look at it.
SP: Heh. A mug... with Cannoli’s mug.
SP: What’s this?
Me: Water! Remember you said you were thirsty?
SP, moved: You got me a cup of water! That’s so nice.
SP opens their eyes to look at it.
SP: Heh. A mug... with Cannoli’s mug.
Sleep Peter: I’m proud of you.
Me: For what?
SP: What?
Me: For what?
SP: What?
Sleep Peter finishes their cup of water.
Me: Do you need any more?
SP, baffled: More water?
Me: Yeah! I could get you more if you were still thirsty.
SP: Oh! No... *pats me on the back* You take care of YOU.
Me: Do you need any more?
SP, baffled: More water?
Me: Yeah! I could get you more if you were still thirsty.
SP: Oh! No... *pats me on the back* You take care of YOU.
Sleep Peter, noticing I’m awake tweeting: Baby, are you okay?
Me: Yeah! I’m okay. Are you okay?
SP: Mmhm.
Me: Whatcha dreamin’ about?
SP, pausing to consider the question: Mmhm. Mmhm. *snores*
Me: Yeah! I’m okay. Are you okay?
SP: Mmhm.
Me: Whatcha dreamin’ about?
SP, pausing to consider the question: Mmhm. Mmhm. *snores*
Me: Ugggghhhhhh
Sleep Peter: What's wrong?
Me: It's four AM and the cats insist on being fed.
SP: Oh! I can... I can do it.
Me: Sweetness. I don't think you can, you're asleep!
SP: No! I can! *tries to open eyes, smiles, drifts back off*
Me: See?
SP: Hm? ...hm. *snores*
Sleep Peter: What's wrong?
Me: It's four AM and the cats insist on being fed.
SP: Oh! I can... I can do it.
Me: Sweetness. I don't think you can, you're asleep!
SP: No! I can! *tries to open eyes, smiles, drifts back off*
Me: See?
SP: Hm? ...hm. *snores*
Sleep Peter, sighing loudly: Hmph.
Me: You okay?
SP, grabbing my hand: There. Much better!
Me: You okay?
SP, grabbing my hand: There. Much better!
Sleep Peter: Mmmmrrr...
Me, laughing: You're very funny when you're asleep.
SP, offended: I am not asleep!
Me: You're not?
SP:
Me: You sure about that?
SP:
Me: Definitely not.
SP: *snores*
Me, laughing: You're very funny when you're asleep.
SP, offended: I am not asleep!
Me: You're not?
SP:
Me: You sure about that?
SP:
Me: Definitely not.
SP: *snores*
Me: Tell me one of your favorite musicals.
Sleep Peter: *mumbles*
Me: Let’s go on a breakfast tour!?
SP, deeply offended: Sam! No! Sunday in the Park With George!
Sleep Peter: *mumbles*
Me: Let’s go on a breakfast tour!?
SP, deeply offended: Sam! No! Sunday in the Park With George!
Sleep Peter: A breakfast tour does sound nice.
Me: It sure does!
SP: It wouldn’t have to be armed robbery. Just a get in and give me the goods situation.
Me: Wait. When did this become a robbery!?
SP: I’m just gettin’ into it!
Me: It sure does!
SP: It wouldn’t have to be armed robbery. Just a get in and give me the goods situation.
Me: Wait. When did this become a robbery!?
SP: I’m just gettin’ into it!
Me: Why did you tell me that you married Rihanna in 1999?
Sleep Peter, sighing: Sam, I don’t know. Who even knows what I get up to.
Sleep Peter, sighing: Sam, I don’t know. Who even knows what I get up to.
Me: What’s your favorite song?
Sleep Peter, clearly unimpressed with me: That’s an impossible question. You just asked me something that’s impossible to answer.
Sleep Peter, clearly unimpressed with me: That’s an impossible question. You just asked me something that’s impossible to answer.
Sleep Peter: Thank you for hanging up the lights! They’re so pretty. I love them.
Me: Oh! You’re welcome!
SP: And you made me dinner, too!
Me, laughing: Yes, I did.
SP, sighing: You’re such a good boyfriend. I hope I’m a good boyfriend.
Me: Oh! You’re welcome!
SP: And you made me dinner, too!
Me, laughing: Yes, I did.
SP, sighing: You’re such a good boyfriend. I hope I’m a good boyfriend.
Sleep Peter: What is that sound?
Me: I put on Sleep With Me.
SP: Oh! Oh. It’s Scooter!
Me: Yes. He’s talking about kissing your biceps right now.
SP, disturbed: That’s weird.
Me: I put on Sleep With Me.
SP: Oh! Oh. It’s Scooter!
Me: Yes. He’s talking about kissing your biceps right now.
SP, disturbed: That’s weird.
Sleep Peter: This new blanket is so nice. It’s so fluffy. It’s like sleeping under a warm hug.
Me: I’m so glad that you like it!
SP: I’m cold.
Me: Wait, what?
SP, groaning: I’m COLD.
Me: Do you need a second blanket?
SP, smiling: Yes.
Me: I’m so glad that you like it!
SP: I’m cold.
Me: Wait, what?
SP, groaning: I’m COLD.
Me: Do you need a second blanket?
SP, smiling: Yes.
Sleep Peter begins singing something indiscernible.
Me: Are you asleep?
SP, disgusted by my question: No!
Me: Are you sure?
SP, still deeply offended: I am! Why do you think I’m asleep?
Me: Because you sound a lot like Sleep Peter.
SP, smiling: Heh.
Me: Are you asleep?
SP, disgusted by my question: No!
Me: Are you sure?
SP, still deeply offended: I am! Why do you think I’m asleep?
Me: Because you sound a lot like Sleep Peter.
SP, smiling: Heh.
Sleep Peter, confused: One minute there was no sound! Now there’s sound!
Me: Yes! I put on a podcast, remember?
SP: But I thought you were tired!
Me: It’s Sleep With Me! It helps me sleep.
SP:
Me: Yes! I put on a podcast, remember?
SP: But I thought you were tired!
Me: It’s Sleep With Me! It helps me sleep.
SP:
Sleep Peter starts petting me like a cat (??).
Me: Are you looking for Pancake?
SP continues petting.
Me: Ummm.
SP: What
Me: What?
SP: What
Me: .......
Me: Are you looking for Pancake?
SP continues petting.
Me: Ummm.
SP: What
Me: What?
SP: What
Me: .......
Sleep Peter: What're you doing?
Me: I was just looking at my phone.
SP: Oh!
Me: What're YOU doing?
SP: I dunno... snoozin'!
Me: I was just looking at my phone.
SP: Oh!
Me: What're YOU doing?
SP: I dunno... snoozin'!
Sleep Peter: I want CHEDDAR cheese.
Me, confused: You want... cheese?
SP: No.
Me:
SP:
Me:
SP: As a dipping sauce.
Me, confused: You want... cheese?
SP: No.
Me:
SP:
Me:
SP: As a dipping sauce.
When I asked awake Peter why they asked for a cheddar cheese dipping sauce, they laughed and informed me they had been dreaming about ordering a pretzel. 
Me: How do you know you're awake?
Sleep Peter: That question gives me anxiety...
Me: Oh! I'm sorry, I can see why it would.
SP: Besides. Sleep Peter is more a state of being than a state of consciousness. *giggles*
Sleep Peter: That question gives me anxiety...
Me: Oh! I'm sorry, I can see why it would.
SP: Besides. Sleep Peter is more a state of being than a state of consciousness. *giggles*
Sleep Peter: You're my little... yoga ball...
Me: Wait, what?
SP: Because you help me address my pain.
Me: Oh!
SP: And you smell really good.
Me: Do yoga balls smell good?
SP: Yes. They have this rubber, and... *snores*
Me: Wait, what?
SP: Because you help me address my pain.
Me: Oh!
SP: And you smell really good.
Me: Do yoga balls smell good?
SP: Yes. They have this rubber, and... *snores*
*Sleep Peter rolls over, hitting me in the face*
SP: Huh? What was that? Help!
Me, laughing: That was my face. You hit me in the face.
SP, devastated: I'm so sorry. I... don't know what happened.
SP: Huh? What was that? Help!
Me, laughing: That was my face. You hit me in the face.
SP, devastated: I'm so sorry. I... don't know what happened.
The little "help!" absolutely ended me. Like my heart cannot with that.
I just need to add something Awake Peter said just now:
Awake Peter, coughing: Oh no. Oh.
Me: What?
AP: I just choked on my own spit... *sighs* We are such fragile little creatures.
Awake Peter, coughing: Oh no. Oh.
Me: What?
AP: I just choked on my own spit... *sighs* We are such fragile little creatures.
Folks who have enjoyed the sunshine of this thread: Can we send a little love and support Awake Peter's way? They could really use it. https://twitter.com/samdylanfinch/status/1282758425391198208
https://twitter.com/samdylanfinch/status/1282758425391198208
