Let me tell you a story about cats. It’s not as if we have anything else to do.
The story starts in 1993, when I married @alienmarmalade
I grew up with cats, she didn’t - and it turned out she loves them. Really, really loves them.
The story starts in 1993, when I married @alienmarmalade
I grew up with cats, she didn’t - and it turned out she loves them. Really, really loves them.
When we got married we moved to Birmingham for our postgraduate studies, and I volunteered to drive an animal ambulance.
One of my first shouts was collecting a litter of kittens that had been put in a shoe box and thrown from a car on a motorway.
One of my first shouts was collecting a litter of kittens that had been put in a shoe box and thrown from a car on a motorway.
The charity that took these kittens in had to estimate their birthday, and by chance they chose our wedding day.
So by the time the litter was available for adoption, my wife had already bonded with Katie, who turned out to be The Best Cat in the World. Don’t argue with me.
So by the time the litter was available for adoption, my wife had already bonded with Katie, who turned out to be The Best Cat in the World. Don’t argue with me.
Sixteen years later Katie died in my arms at the vet. She was obviously in a lot of pain, but when I picked her up for the vet’s injection, she settled into my arms and started to purr.
Both the vet and I cried through that moment.
Both the vet and I cried through that moment.
By this point we had children, but anyone with kids knows that cats are better. We had to get another one.
So we got two: Memphis and Jazz. (Not the best photo - sorry about that.)
Memphis was killed by a passing car, Jazz was stolen by a neighbour.
So we got two: Memphis and Jazz. (Not the best photo - sorry about that.)
Memphis was killed by a passing car, Jazz was stolen by a neighbour.
So we tried again, and got a polydactyl kitten. She had thumbs! We called her Clawdia. Best name ever for a seven-fingered cat.
Clawdia had bags of personality. She demanded all your attention and then some - and best of all, she was completely fixated on my wife.
Clawdia had bags of personality. She demanded all your attention and then some - and best of all, she was completely fixated on my wife.
In early 2016 Clawdia disappeared.
We spent months putting posters on lamp posts, and leaving messages on local lost pet groups.
Eventually we went to St Francis Persian Cat Rescue in Bedale and rescued a beautiful boy with a heartbreaking story behind him.
We spent months putting posters on lamp posts, and leaving messages on local lost pet groups.
Eventually we went to St Francis Persian Cat Rescue in Bedale and rescued a beautiful boy with a heartbreaking story behind him.
Let’s not pussyfoot around here (see what I did there?) Albus is a complete and utter arsehole.
We think he is a Khao Manee, and he was kicked almost to death. It has taken years to nurse him back to trusting humans.
Problem is, he’s fixated on me. I told you he’s an arsehole.
We think he is a Khao Manee, and he was kicked almost to death. It has taken years to nurse him back to trusting humans.
Problem is, he’s fixated on me. I told you he’s an arsehole.
After a period of Internet Dating, my wife brought Jess home. I call her Vajazzle.
Jess has settled in beautifully. She jumps on the bed to wake my wife up every morning, follows her round the house, loves cuddles, sits on her work. She cats properly.
Jess has settled in beautifully. She jumps on the bed to wake my wife up every morning, follows her round the house, loves cuddles, sits on her work. She cats properly.
Then, last night, I was in the garden toasting marshmallows with the kids, when we heard a cat calling really loud from the side of the house.
It was Clawdia, standing on next door’s drive, shouting for attention just like she used to.
It was Clawdia, standing on next door’s drive, shouting for attention just like she used to.
She let me pick her up and cuddle her. I brought her into the house and she ate a huge meal, obviously ravenous, before climbing onto my wife’s lap for a purr and all the scritches.
She is not malnourished; she was not as clean as she could have been, but not actually dirty - I think she didn’t have access to water for the last couple of days so hadn’t cleaned herself.
She definitely hadn’t eaten for a few days, but hasn’t lost weight. And her teeth seem OK
She definitely hadn’t eaten for a few days, but hasn’t lost weight. And her teeth seem OK
So we’re going to book an appointment at the vet to get her checked over again - they knew her well enough four years ago. She almost certainly hasn’t had her vaccinations kept up to date.
Wherever she has been, they’ve fed her and kept her warm - and then stopped.
Wherever she has been, they’ve fed her and kept her warm - and then stopped.
Whether she has escaped, or been abandoned, we don’t know. She came home because she was hungry.
I don’t know what to think of the people who have fed her for four years.
They stole my wife’s cat.
Yes, they fed her and she appears healthy and well, but...
I don’t know what to think of the people who have fed her for four years.
They stole my wife’s cat.
Yes, they fed her and she appears healthy and well, but...
Clawdia wasn’t their cat. They provided food and a home for a microchipped pet that belonged to someone else.
If they are local then they almost certainly saw the posters we put up on lampposts and flyers through letterboxes.

She’s home, and my wife now has too many cats.
If they are local then they almost certainly saw the posters we put up on lampposts and flyers through letterboxes.

She’s home, and my wife now has too many cats.