COVID CHRONICLES

Kellyanne Conway recently revealed that COVID-19 was just the last in a long string of COVID viruses.
It’s time to come clean about the other 18. It’s time to reveal the truth about how the Deep State kept these covert viruses hidden from public view.

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It’s time for… The COVID Chronicles.

Early in Obama’s presidency The Deep State was tasked to make Obama’s presidency permanent. Obama knew he screwed up early in his presidency by wearing a tan suit.

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He knew Republicans would never forgive him for this egregious offense and that they could never be persuaded to support him based on things like facts and logic so he, along with Hillary, hatched a plan to unleash a virus that would turn Republicans into Democrats.

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The virus would be engineered so it wouldn’t be identified as a virus. It would be concealed as something else to remain undetected. The covert operation was called the Clandestine Obama Virus In Disguise or COVID.

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Many versions were developed in an attempt to perfect the virus. These chronicles summarize the progression.

COVID-1: With funding from George Soros, the Deep State Labs were built in the woods by Hillary’s house. This is where scientists developed the first COVID virus.

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They planned on putting it in the water system, but the first version came out thick and dark. It would be too difficult to conceal. However, it turned out to be quite delicious and was rebranded as A-1 steak sauce.

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COVID-2: With the money the Clintons received from the Uranium One deal, the Deep State invested heavily in new equipment to develop the next strain of virus.

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The COVID-1 virus was reformulated to be clear and tasteless. The virus was engineered to turn people gay which would make most Republicans Democrats.

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However, during trials Alex Jones noticed it was also turning frogs gay and raised the alarm. Further development had to be halted.

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COVID-3: This mutation of COVID-2 was more powerful and only infected people. It was tested first with Republican politicians. It did turn Republicans gay but, unexpectedly, they remained Republicans.

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Not wanting to accept themselves for who they were, they lashed out by passing Same Sex marriage bans while having gay sex in airports. Plans for COVID-3 were quickly scrapped.

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COVID-4: Scientists turned away from a gay virus and decided to, instead, make a virus that would turn people into mindless cultists. COVID-4 was the first version of this virus. It was tested on two individuals, but the results were catastrophic.

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It was too powerful and made the individuals unbearably stupid. Plans to release this virus on the general public were abandoned and the individuals were released back into the public under new, assumed names, Diamond and Silk.

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COVID-5: During the development of COVID-5 the lab caught fire and all COVID files were destroyed. This virus never made it to trials. Hillary's emails were also lost in the fire.

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COVID-6 through 14: The Deep State lab was moved to a secret basement in a pizzeria. To raise funds for development, children were sold along with pizzas with a great Two-fer Tuesday special.

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Because all the research was lost in the COVID-5 fire and because the writer of these chronicles doesn’t want to do 18 of them, COVID-6 through COVID-14 were development failures. However, it did lead to the first airborne virus, COVID-15.

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COVID-15: This virus was initially tested on just 1 subject, Rush Limbaugh. However, it was determined that large doses of Oxycontin kill the virus. The virus never had a chance. RIP.

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COVID-16: This airborne virus was tested in a small city in Ohio with catastrophic results. It was the real reason for the Bowling Green Massacre, and we all know how that went. No need to relive that horror. It was back to the drawing board for the scientists.

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COVID-17: After some minor gene splicing of COVID-16, this virus was ready for testing. It was released in chemtrails over the Pacific Northwest. However, in an unprecedented event, the virus caused leaves to fall off trees.

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People were dispatched to rake the leaves, but it was too late. The piles of leaves spontaneously combusted and created forest fires. Further development of COVID-17 ceased.

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COVID-18: After the debacle of COVID-17, scientists tweaked the virus to be tree friendly. This time it was released in Texas.

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However, as the virus was released in chemtrails it fell into windmill blades. The virus combined with the turning blades started causing windmill sound cancer. This virus also needed to be shelved for obviously reasons.

COVID-19: Oops.

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