Buckle in folks. This is a long one. Waaay back when, I was a PA, I got a call for a job over the border to transport stuff for a commercial. Not unusual. But it wasn't gear they needed 1/ https://twitter.com/ChuckWendig/status/1250581153897160704

A company was doing an American lasagna commercial, but none of the lasagna existed over there, and they were filming in two days and couldn't get it through customs in time. So I had to go out and pick up an order for $800 worth of lasagna and drive it over the border.

$800 is a fuck ton of Lasagna and could no way fit in my shitty PA car. So they rented a big ass SUV for me to carry it all, and gave me the address of a store in the middle of nowhere to go pick it all up. If I got caught, I was supposed to dump all the lasagna and leave.

So I get this rented SUV, and go drive to this town in nowhere, where I'm supposed to meet Dave, and get "the stuff." I can't mention what it is because there's an NDA and I can't say what the "stuff." is. At this point I think I'm being pranked, but it's all pre paid so cool.

I show up to this grocery store, they page Dave, and I have to go around to the back loading dock and meet Dave, who apparently is completely freaked out about the NDA, so all he'll keep saying is "I got the stuff. Do you want the stuff? The stuff is right here."

Sure enough, he loads $800 worth of completely wrapped up lasagna in white packages, stuffed into grocery bags and puts it in the trunk of the SUV and leaves. Totally not suspicious at all. So now I have to drive to the border with a whole trunk full of white wrapped packages.

Make it to the border and thankfully get a girl in her 20s, who looks at the SUV, asks me to show her whats in the bags, and asks me why I'm there in a rented SUV with a trunk full of Lasagna and an address in another country to show up at.

"I'm heading to a party."
"Who's party?"
"So and so at this address."
"Why are you going to this party?"
"Cause there's going to be girls there!"
"... Why are you traveling with so much lasagna?"
Launch into prepared speech:

"Well, it's a BBQ right? And you figure there's going to be hamburgers, and hot dogs, and ribs, and all kinds of things. But what is there for girls who only eat vegetarian? Nothing. So who's going to look like the hero who brings in lasagna! This guy!"

She looks at me like I'm the saddest person in the world, hands me back my passport, sighs, and tells me to just get out of there. Cross the border, lasagna delivered to one grateful Food prep/ Art department, and all it cost was my dignity in front of a really cute border guard.

End thread.